For the first time in a year, maybe two, I stood outside and looked up at the stars.
The Milky Way seemed to dance above my yard just for me.
How can it be that we are connected to that vast expanse and it is connected to us?
I lay down on my deck and took in the glory that was these shimmering spheres of light, pondering if anyone has ever looked at a star at the exact moment that it shone it's last light? Wouldn't that be something.
Looking up into the dark sea I found myself disconnecting from my day, my fast paced, stressful day.
I started pondering just how connected we humans need to be to each other and to this version of society that we have created. Is it rude to not spend time with family? Is it wrong to not be another sheep in the herd following this weeks trends?
We are each a star in that vast expanse, but are we living like stars do?
Stars feel strong, they hold their place in the sky and know their purpose. Even tho stars are as far away from us as far can be, we look at them and connect. We feel each other.
Is it possible for humans to live in that capacity? Can we hold our own space away from one another and still connect?
I used to think that my boyfriend/husband/partner was the most important part of my life. I focused my whole day upon them, waking in the morning wishing it were the evening so that I could see them again. I would stress myself out during the work day watching the clock til it read 5pm so that I could be in their presence once again. I'm a very private person and am only my true self around those I feel comfortable with, thus I only every felt 'myself' when in the presence of them. This has caused me to focus on other areas of life instead of putting myself first.
I have a fire within me, star fire, but that can become extinguished pretty quickly when in the presence of my person. During the work day I look forward to coming home and creating, but if my person comes home exhausted wanting a night on the couch I can feel my energy slow right down and bed ridden I find myself. Looking back I see that this has been a standard in my relationships, my energy is greatly affected by the energy of those around me. When I'm in the presence of another creative my energy is up and bouncing off the walls! Put me in the presence of an energy opposite that and I'm done for. Empathic, its a real thing.
How can one battle being an empath and pursue all their goals?
I've never had goals before, but with my awakening and the shift that's taking place I see myself wanting to pursue some things that are just for me. No one around me has interest in them, but I do, and that should be enough to warrant an exploration of them in my my life. The whole notion of two people coming together and joining their lives to become one doesn't resonate with me. We are two stars choosing to live together in the same galaxy not two stars meshing into one. If I follow the later of the two paths I will never experience any of what I dream. As a passionate and creative being, I need to live a passionate and creative life.
Firstly, as per the stars, I need to disconnect from that which is taking up too much of my time, those things that really don't serve me. Streamline, refocus, get organized, and make things more efficient, that's what I need to start with.
As I continue to awaken I'm shown how I've been living my life out of alignment with Source. I cloud my mind and my day with various pointless things which all eat away at my time here on the planet. In the past few years a number of people in my life who I knew in various degrees have passed away. All so young and that could be me. If I died today I wouldn't feel fulfilled, I wouldn't feel like I used my mind and body to the best of it's ability in pursuing that which makes my Soul sing.
I see how each of us is gifted with a creative talent and I'm believing more and more that those talents are our calling. I was swayed away from pursuing art, but that doesn't necessarily mean that a decade later I can't sway myself right back on track. Since the dawn of time art has been living strong, without creativity nothing would exist. The black void that we picture in our minds when we think of nothing existing, that wouldn't exist either. The fact that I do exist, the fact that I have stirrings in my heart to try and to learn, the fact that I have been gifted with a creative Soul means that I owe it to Creation to create!
I don't know if these struggles that I face with art will ever go away but I'm hoping to get to a place where I can silence the voices and do it anyway. Sensing others feelings, or lack there of, about art doesn't help. When I'm flying high about a painting that's coming together and I show another person who has no resonance to the creative process I feel their vibe and it makes my high plummet to a low pretty quick. I need to create the art school experience that I never had, I need to meet with like minded artsy peeps who I can share and learn from and vice versa. To keep me in the creative flow and to keep my creative energy up I think that I need that connection, I need to experience this.
It will be interesting to see where this takes me.