I've never experienced such intense feelings of, 'I can do this! I can pursue my dreams!'
My thoughts have completely changed when it comes to my life. I see what I want and I'm determined to not let anyone stop me.
I've been doing a lot of contemplating and reflecting, realizing just how asleep I was for so many years. I used to fill my days with useless activities that never served a higher purpose and now I am very aware of what I do with my time. The countless shopping trips to fill the boredom I felt were never needed and only did me harm. I really can't get over how wrapped up I was in superficial things. Looking back I see how my life was never really mine, it was being controlled from outside sources and I followed suit with what I was being told.
I may have found this new found way of thinking a decade later than I'd like, but I have to be grateful that I did wake up. I was shaken hard, breaking into pieces, and as I put the pieces of myself back together I found the girl I once was. My life isn't meant for everyone, not everyone is going to understand my choices, and not everyone is going to agree with what I choose to do with my time. But the only person I have to please is myself, and that's a lesson that's taken me a long time to learn.
I sat in the middle of my studio floor today, paints, brushes, and art supplies surrounding me, listening to art documentaries of British potters and wood carvers. I lack the spark of creativity one experiences when in the presence of another creative, but thanks to youtube I've found a really great way to substitute that. I want to create art every damn day and as the months go by I'm certain beyond certain that art is here to stay. It's setting up a permanent place in my schedule. I've walked the planet feeling empty for so long trying to fill that void with people and things, who knew this would be remedied if I just spent some time creating art. A few hours spent connecting with my creative self makes me feel solid, grounded, and complete. Magic.
So many things in life have shifted to allow this to come about and I'm going to say 'Yes' to all of it. I'm receiving visions of a life that I have only dreamed of. It's funny how something so simple as a paint brush can connect someone with their purpose. If you are one of those people who are searching for your purpose in life, look to your interests. Look to what inspires you and resonates with your Soul. Yep, it can be something so simple as creating, and your only job is to share that with the world. The Universe will take care of the rest.