is fear real?


How is my life affected by fear?

I watched an intriguing video tonight on the subject of fear as energy and how that fearful energy affects our interactions with others. He spoke of typing up a carefully crafted email and how none of our words matter, it's the energy that the recipient will feel, in this case, the energy of fear.

This got me thinking, how much fear resides within me?

If someone asked me if I thought I was a fearful person, I'd say yes. But I'd liken it to some petty anxieties. When I pushed my ego out of the way and looked deeper inside myself I saw that fear was present everywhere.

Selecting an outfit for work; fear.
Parking my car; fear.
Speaking to coworkers; fear.
Eating lunch; fear.
Answering the phone; fear.
Walking my dogs; fear.
Watching tv; fear.
Reading a book; fear.
Visiting family; fear.
Taking a class; fear.
Grocery shopping; fear.
Painting; fear.
Cuddling; fear.
Brushing my teeth; fear.
Making decisions; fear.
Etc. Etc. Etc.

Every facet of my life is somehow, to some degree, affected by fear.

Why does this happen?

I've often thought fear to be a useless emotion. In the case of survival situations where one needs to be aware of red flags for danger purposes, sure ok, but I would call that being in tune with your senses, I don't think fear is necessary there.

So why does fear exist?  The phrase, 'Feel the fear but do it anyway', is that a valid statement?

How much fearful energy have I been circulating out into my life?  Is it possible that plans I once looked forward to and ultimately cancelled were shifted out of existence because of the fear that was emanating from me, and not because the planet Mercury was moving in reverse?

Does the energy of fear make things null and void? 

Have doors shut because it wasn't truly my path or did they shut due to my fear? Is divine timing real, or do things line up and flow only when fear ceases to exist?

Can the energy of fear be lifted from ones being?


Much to think about.



releasing and moving forward.


This time last year I was deep in confusion with life, trying hard to keep my head above water as I navigated my way. This Harvest Moon I cancelled all weekend plans and allowed the release to come forth which has been building for days.

Briefly looking up at the moon last night I intended for a life of happiness. I've been overwhelmed with work and am taking the entire weekend to do exactly what my Higher Self needs; rest. I was speaking with a co-worker yesterday about how we lose connection to our inner voice, our Higher Self, and really need to work at keeping that communication open. Conversing with Self needs to become part of our daily routine in order to build that intuitive muscle and gain trust with that part of ourselves that lives on for all of time.

Sometimes I think that my Spiritual Journey is taking too long and I'm not where I should be after all of these years. There's my Egoic 3D self talking again. My Higher Self knows that I needed to experience the important energy shifts that have taken place and that I needed to go thru certain life events that would catapult me forward on this journey. I'm right where I need to be, staying open to Source and using myself as a vessel to bring forth Light.

Over this past year my gift has grown so much! I hear, see, and know things that seem impossible, but time and time again are validated. As I continue to connect with my Higher Self and grow my gift I'm looking forward to taking the next step down this path and connecting the dots so that I may be of service to humanity.

I read somewhere that during the Harvest Moon Lunar Eclipse one should utilize the energy and write down what they want to materialize in life. I'm going to take some time today to do that, really being clear about what I want for the present and future. I'm starting to see how our Higher Self really is connected to Universal Source Energy. I always believed this to be true, but my trust in that is growing and I'm receiving confirmations to strengthen that trust.

It will be interesting to see where life takes me in the coming years.



just keep swimming.


Well Friends, Mercury Retrograde finally caught up with me and I'm choosing to see the light of the situation.

There's a person who was briefly in my life but they affected me on a Soul level. I would have never guessed that meeting them would eventually leave me spinning out of control not knowing which end was up. A series of events placed me right in the line of fire and I burned for well over a year.

In usual Merc Retro fashion, said person made an appearance and I had to make a choice. Do I engage my energy? Or do I keep my back turned and try my hardest to blend into my surroundings? I chose to blend and if I could have hid I would have.

There was just too much shared on a level that only Souls communicate. How do you face someone when you've shared deep words and then pretend like none of your time together ever happened?

This person's exist from my life was the start of my awakening, and the hardest thing that I have ever had to experience. The pain eventually went away but the longing is still there. One doesn't find a connection like that every day and when you get a taste of wholeness on a Soul level, that's a very hard thing to let go of. This was challenging to accept and to move on from. I don't know what life has in store for me but I'm hoping that one day I hope that I can find the peace that they seem to have found.

Where's the light in this you may ask? Well, because I was jolted awake, I've gone thru many reflective periods and have had to pick up the pieces of my shattered self. This isn't a quick process but one that needs much devotion. My journey on this planet is different than most and I've finally, after more than a decade accepted that. My path hasn't been straight, leading me from point A to point B. I've zig zagged my way thru the alphabet, jumping letters, repeating letters, and occasionally making a full circle right back around. I've lived in the same area my whole life, but tack a pedometer on my Soul and you'll see that I've walked many a step on this current spin around the sun. Life lessons, Soul lessons, these last few years have been filled with inner growth.

Because of my awakening I was given a chance to take a long hard look at myself and what I was allowing to enter my life. I've learned a big lesson that our talents and gifts are our purpose in life. I've learned to never ever allow myself to become tangled in another's shit again. And I've become aware of those who I should allow myself to interact with and those who I need to let walk on by.

Maybe it's because I grew up with a caring Mom who always put herself before others and tried to help them thru their challenges that I was ending up in these situation with people where I was expelling an exorbitant amount of my energy on people who left me feeling depleted, I've learned my lesson on when to walk away and how to stay unattached from a person before they get a chance to capture me in their net.

Big lessons are always the most painful to learn, but from this closure more light will shine in. This is just the beginning of my awakened journey.



an artful purpose.


I've never experienced such intense feelings of, 'I can do this! I can pursue my dreams!'

My thoughts have completely changed when it comes to my life. I see what I want and I'm determined to not let anyone stop me.

I've been doing a lot of contemplating and reflecting, realizing just how asleep I was for so many years. I used to fill my days with useless activities that never served a higher purpose and now I am very aware of what I do with my time. The countless shopping trips to fill the boredom I felt were never needed and only did me harm. I really can't get over how wrapped up I was in superficial things. Looking back I see how my life was never really mine, it was being controlled from outside sources and I followed suit with what I was being told.

I may have found this new found way of thinking a decade later than I'd like, but I have to be grateful that I did wake up. I was shaken hard, breaking into pieces, and as I put the pieces of myself back together I found the girl I once was. My life isn't meant for everyone, not everyone is going to understand my choices, and not everyone is going to agree with what I choose to do with my time. But the only person I have to please is myself, and that's a lesson that's taken me a long time to learn.

I sat in the middle of my studio floor today, paints, brushes, and art supplies surrounding me, listening to art documentaries of British potters and wood carvers. I lack the spark of creativity one experiences when in the presence of another creative, but thanks to youtube I've found a really great way to substitute that. I want to create art every damn day and as the months go by I'm certain beyond certain that art is here to stay. It's setting up a permanent place in my schedule. I've walked the planet feeling empty for so long trying to fill that void with people and things, who knew this would be remedied if I just spent some time creating art. A few hours spent connecting with my creative self makes me feel solid, grounded, and complete. Magic.

So many things in life have shifted to allow this to come about and I'm going to say 'Yes' to all of it. I'm receiving visions of a life that I have only dreamed of. It's funny how something so simple as a paint brush can connect someone with their purpose. If you are one of those people who are searching for your purpose in life, look to your interests. Look to what inspires you and resonates with your Soul. Yep, it can be something so simple as creating, and your only job is to share that with the world. The Universe will take care of the rest.



messages from the stars.


For the first time in a year, maybe two, I stood outside and looked up at the stars.

The Milky Way seemed to dance above my yard just for me.

How can it be that we are connected to that vast expanse and it is connected to us?

I lay down on my deck and took in the glory that was these shimmering spheres of light, pondering if anyone has ever looked at a star at the exact moment that it shone it's last light? Wouldn't that be something.

Looking up into the dark sea I found myself disconnecting from my day, my fast paced, stressful day.

I started pondering just how connected we humans need to be to each other and to this version of society that we have created. Is it rude to not spend time with family? Is it wrong to not be another sheep in the herd following this weeks trends?

We are each a star in that vast expanse, but are we living like stars do?

Stars feel strong, they hold their place in the sky and know their purpose. Even tho stars are as far away from us as far can be, we look at them and connect. We feel each other.

Is it possible for humans to live in that capacity?  Can we hold our own space away from one another and still connect?

I used to think that my boyfriend/husband/partner was the most important part of my life. I focused my whole day upon them, waking in the morning wishing it were the evening so that I could see them again. I would stress myself out during the work day watching the clock til it read 5pm so that I could be in their presence once again. I'm a very private person and am only my true self around those I feel comfortable with, thus I only every felt 'myself' when in the presence of them. This has caused me to focus on other areas of life instead of putting myself first.

I have a fire within me, star fire, but that can become extinguished pretty quickly when in the presence of my person. During the work day I look forward to coming home and creating, but if my person comes home exhausted wanting a night on the couch I can feel my energy slow right down and bed ridden I find myself. Looking back I see that this has been a standard in my relationships, my energy is greatly affected by the energy of those around me. When I'm in the presence of another creative my energy is up and bouncing off the walls! Put me in the presence of an energy opposite that and I'm done for. Empathic, its a real thing.

How can one battle being an empath and pursue all their goals? 

I've never had goals before, but with my awakening and the shift that's taking place I see myself wanting to pursue some things that are just for me. No one around me has interest in them, but I do, and that should be enough to warrant an exploration of them in my my life. The whole notion of two people coming together and joining their lives to become one doesn't resonate with me. We are two stars choosing to live together in the same galaxy not two stars meshing into one. If I follow the later of the two paths I will never experience any of what I dream. As a passionate and creative being, I need to live a passionate and creative life.

But how?

Firstly, as per the stars, I need to disconnect from that which is taking up too much of my time, those things that really don't serve me. Streamline, refocus, get organized, and make things more efficient, that's what I need to start with.

As I continue to awaken I'm shown how I've been living my life out of alignment with Source. I cloud my mind and my day with various pointless things which all eat away at my time here on the planet. In the past few years a number of people in my life who I knew in various degrees have passed away. All so young and that could be me. If I died today I wouldn't feel fulfilled, I wouldn't feel like I used my mind and body to the best of it's ability in pursuing that which makes my Soul sing.

I see how each of us is gifted with a creative talent and I'm believing more and more that those talents are our calling. I was swayed away from pursuing art, but that doesn't necessarily mean that a decade later I can't sway myself right back on track. Since the dawn of time art has been living strong, without creativity nothing would exist. The black void that we picture in our minds when we think of nothing existing, that wouldn't exist either. The fact that I do exist, the fact that I have stirrings in my heart to try and to learn, the fact that I have been gifted with a creative Soul means that I owe it to Creation to create!

I don't know if these struggles that I face with art will ever go away but I'm hoping to get to a place where I can silence the voices and do it anyway. Sensing others feelings, or lack there of, about art doesn't help. When I'm flying high about a painting that's coming together and I show another person who has no resonance to the creative process I feel their vibe and it makes my high plummet to a low pretty quick. I need to create the art school experience that I never had, I need to meet with like minded artsy peeps who I can share and learn from and vice versa. To keep me in the creative flow and to keep my creative energy up I think that I need that connection, I need to experience this.

It will be interesting to see where this takes me.



it's happening.


Have you been feeling the shift within your being?

I have.

I know what I want and it's time to change my focus.

I want to go after what I've always wanted, it's time for me to pursue art. I want to see my paintings hanging on gallery and coffee shop walls. I want to make creating art my life's purpose.

My whole being is changing to help me bring this into my life, I feel it. If I never try, I will go another 30 years wondering, and I can't go another year wondering.

The Universe is bring forth those that I need to meet to help me bring this into my life.

It's time to go on a creative journey.

I'm excited and grateful.