Strange energy flowed thru me today.
Work was busy as per usual and I was looking forward to my evening meditation. I stumbled upon a new yoga youtube channel and decided to give it a try. It was so fast paced and the woman spoke so quickly that I had a hard time keeping up. Instead of the restful and relaxed session that I was longing for my energy became amped up, angry, and frustrated. I kept having to pause the video and go back to re-watch the demonstration. This resulted in me breaking poses and feeling flustered. I decided to turn my tablet off and go outside to try and shake off some of the yucky energy I was feeling. I'm not ready for fast paced yoga, that's not what I need right now. This has left me feeling in an off kind of mood all night.
I go thru phases with social media, a constant love/hate relationship. I see the benefit of it for those that use it, but it tends to affect me on a deeper level and I'm not really sure why. I wish that I could use facebook for what it is, a means to connect and keep in touch. Maybe it's my lack of ability to do those things that causes it to be a time wasteland for me. I see the inspiration in social media, but it's become so much more than just connecting, it's a full on business platform. It's hard to see other creatives businesses flourishing while doors keep being closed for me.
I deactivated my facebook account tonight, this is something I've done in the past, and felt called to do again. It doesn't serve me in a beneficial way and needed to go. I created a twitter account last week and that too doesn't serve me in any beneficial way, so it's gone as well. I even had a moments thought to private my instagram and this here blog to give myself some space. The one thing that I really don't like about social media is that I don't really know anyone that follows me. It's this fake world of 'friends' and 'likes', 'views', and 'comments'. I really believe that this wrecks havoc on peoples' psyches.
I've been trying to remember the days before social media existed, what did I do with my time? And most importantly, what did it feel like to not be pulled to check an app on a phone umpteen times a day?
That pull to an inanimate object for the sake of pure addiction is, well, partly insanity to be honest. I should be able to wake up in the morning and brush my teeth without scrolling thru instagram. This isn't okay, people shouldn't be acting in this way.
I'm not even sure what to call this draw to see what other's are doing, but it's a strong pull. What was it like to have a phone that was just a phone? What was it like to connect with someone new in person and not thru a screen?
I love how the world has become more global and connected, we are able to share with each other in a split second, but it's the mind games that comes with these mediums that I just can't adjust to. Reading The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari has made me realize that I have a weak mind, I've let it get away on me and I've allowed it to take control. I need some time to amend that and I think I need a vacation from social media. To be honest, I can't even enjoy reading a good book with out stopping every twenty minutes to scroll thru instagram or check blog post stats. Wow. That's bad.
I've mentioned before that I really want 2017 to be a 'Yes Year' for me, and to do that I need to work hard on myself. Some people may not understand how one can become a slave to social media, and that's fair, I'm glad that you have the strength of mind to know what deserves your attention and what doesn't. I need to start doing some reflecting and cutting out that which no longer serves.
I've always been a person who sees the fakeness in people and I have a very hard time being around people like that, this makes me understand why these platforms of connection affect me in a negative way. Even a simple newsletter from a site I follow advertising the creator's most recent ebook which uses words like 'act fast', 'limited quantities available', 'early bird pricing', drives me crazy! All that this does is lure people in to whip out their credit card faster than they can even think about whether they really need this ebook or not. I get it, these people are self employed and these sites and various mediums are part of their marketing strategy, but it all seems too easy, and I think its making us as viewers turn into consumers with out even realizing it.
Today for example, I was almost sucked in to buying an online art course. I really had to pull myself out of the brainwashing that is advertising to realize that I've already taken an art ecourse from this artist, who I never really liked in the first place. I ended up finding her set up and videos to be extremely amateur for the price she charged, and all I saw when I read her newsletter was the strategically placed words meant to pull you in to making a purchase. I'm so not okay with that. I think this is one of the reasons I have a hard time creating art.
Since the creation of social media and seeing the successes of other creatives I've been in a whirlwind of needing to create for monetary gains. I want that creative life, I want success, I want to make money from my creations, but for me it doesn't really work like that. I can't go into creating a painting knowing that I need to put a price on it. I don't want to 'con' people into buying things from me by using key phrases. If someone likes my work I want that to be because they appreciate my creativity not my ability to brainwash them into making a purchase due to the colourful and dramatic words I've used to advertise.
Okay, deep breath in. Deep breath out.
Eclipse season. It's working it's magic on me.