Today I woke up realizing that I have two natural desires in life.
Creating (artistically, as in, with paints and shit).
That's what burns deep inside.
When I'm at my day job, typing away, entering digit after digit, fixing problems and answering questions, the Universe is constantly pulling at me with the next piece of writing that I need to shape, or luring me into my art room from miles away.
So I should like, just do that, right?
There's a part of writing and painting that's challenging to navigate, and it's the part that requires me to put myself out there. No one in my life knows that I have this space on the interweb where I share my thoughts. Rarely do I show people my art in person, it's only thru Instagram where if someone sees it it's only for a split second and I don't know who they are.
As much stupid shit that I say throughout the day and should feel embarrassed about, sharing these two passions is hard for me. Some would say maybe I fear critisism and shy away because of that. I don't feel that to be true. If I dig deep I think it's because I never learned how to stand true in my natural abilities. Grabbing hold of them and treating them as what they are, parts of my self, of my being. Things that represent me. They go hand in hand with living and breathing. So why am I not doing it?
I don't consider myself a blogger because I don't think of this space in that way and I don't interact with people in the blogging world in the way that would define one as a blogger. Instead I choose to log in when the time feels right to expel whatever has been swirling around my head in the moment. It's not really a place that I take seriously or put any thought into creating pieces of writing worthy of a stage for others to read. But lately I've been wondering that maybe its time to create that stage. Maybe it's time to put myself out there.
In the past I've tried, only to have fear take over, resulting in me deleting what I posted. Last night I read some amazing pieces of work that fueled my fire of writing and made me see the difference between writing these ramblings and writing for the sake of real, true, writing. I think it's time to love and accept myself, and create a space for my writing. At the very least I should honour what's naturally inside, and what naturally wants to be born upon the world. I keep being reminded of the book Big Magic and how creativity strikes. It does this often for me when it comes to writing so therefore I should write. Right?
This goes for painting too. I don't think I've ever shared my paintings here. In the past I tried, but allowed myself to fall victim to fear and deleted every post. But I should create a stage for them too, if nothing but for the fact that they are also extensions of self, true self. And that should be shared.
This week I have been trying to wrap my head around creating a website for my art. I've looked at wordpress.com and wix.com. Are those good stages? I don't know. Will they even be useful? I don't know. Right now wix.com is standing out to me more because they have a store option, which is kind of the point of what I want to do with my art. Big picture, I want to create art that I can sell to fund trips with organizations that travel around the world to help people in need. Creating a website for my art will put myself in the place of needing to create paintings for said website so that I can start planning these humanitarian type trips.
You may also enjoy reading the following posts by me:
PUTTING MYSELF FIRST
SEEDS OF HOPE
RESTING IN ORDER TO START WALKING