8.18.2016

i want to be me.

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The energies are all over the place! Hence, why my words have been backwards, forwards, hopeful, sad, very much scattered. This last little bit has been high intensity and I must admit that I'm looking forward to the coming Fall.

But(!) after watching KV from Aquarius Nation's most recent youtube video I am flying high again!

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Alright, lets regroup, refocus, shake off the shit and delve into what really matters. So easy it is for me to sink into the dark side, it's a life long lesson choosing to see the good in a given situation, I know this and still I falter. A case of 'being human' I suppose. 2017 is fast approaching and I have four and a bit months left to conquer riding the rainbow unicorn instead of standing behind it in it's shit pile.

I can do this. I can become someone who chooses to see the good in a situation, in a person, in anything that life throws my way. I can become a 'yes person', and I can have a 'yes year'. This is going to take me extremely out of my comfort zone, but it's about time I forged a new path ahead instead of walking the same old dusty one.

Okay. So. What do I know about myself? What are my likes and dislikes? What do I want out of life? And what am I staying attached to as a 'want' but is really a 'want' of Ego, and something that I should be setting myself free from? That's some deep inner work there! Perfect ponderings for a full moon and eclipse season.

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I'm a creative person who values times of solitude to recharge. I enjoy spending time with like minded souls and people who aren't put off or afraid of my tendency to go deep with conversations. I really don't give a fuck what your favourite colour is, I want to know why it's your favourite colour and how it makes you feel.

When the creative bug strikes I want to be ready with my art supplies laid out to go or my laptop handy to type up some rambling wordage. I feel alive during these moments and know that they are part of my purpose and path. But I need to accept that my creativity ebbs and flows like the seasons, and that's okay!

Sometimes I think of myself as a battery, when in the presence of others I'm constantly sending an energetic charge out to those around me. To be honest, this depletes me, but it's also part of my purpose and path. Even when I'm not speaking to another I know that the Universe is using me as a conduit to deliver life force energy to those in need. This requires me to have frequent moments of solitude to charge myself back up. Either I nap, sit outside in nature, or watch some inspiring peeps via youtube, all of these help to fill up my reservoir so that I may go out into the world the next day.

Because I feel energy so easily I know asap who I'm comfortable being around and who I'd rather stay away from. SO thankful for KV speaking about this in her video as it's something I live daily and hearing her words on the subject validated this for me. Just because I don't talk to you doesn't mean I don't like you, it just means that I can sense our individual energies not being able to mesh. I do believe that this isn't always a forever thing, putting in effort to be around each other can change this and we can feel each other out and maybe eventually jive, but if not, it's not the end of the world. There will always be others coming into our lives who will be a better fit. Even tho my life has few people in it, the ones that are there are golden.

I want to own my own business one day, whether that be thru working at home, or a brick and mortar store, but right now just ain't the right time. KV reminded me that she didn't start sharing her gift with the world for a good decade, and sometimes that's just how it's meant to be. I will continue to write down pages in my idea journal, and take notes throughout the day when the Universe speaks to me, but I'm not going to stress myself out with feeling like I need to jump at the chance to make a quick buck. What KV said is true, we are in the age of Aquarius, and no longer can we start something out of feelings of lack and gaining monetary value. It needs to be birthed from our hears space and shared with the world out of complete love. Divine timing will take care of the rest.

This goes for my art too. No longer will I create pieces with dollar signs in mind, my lack of completed pieces proves this point. When trying to create with a finished selling price in mind, the heart doesn't follow thru, nothing clicks, and creativity literally jumps out the window. Love needs to be the sole reason one creates and only from love will each of my artistic projects take shape.

I'm a self aware person, but I need to fully trust in my own unique way of doing things. My human mind doesn't always understand why I am the way that I am, and why I think what I do, but my Soul knows. If something doesn't feel right for me then it isn't right, even if it is the norm of mainstream society. If I don't want kids it's because a) I can't imagine or visualize myself pregnant, b) I can't fathom waking up early every day and rushing kids off to daycare or school, and c) thinking about focusing on one thing (aka person) for eighteen years and beyond just doesn't make sense to this girl who needs freedom and variety in her life. I know in my heart that there's a reason I'm not meant to have this in my life and even if I don't know why, I trust that it is the right choice for me. The only reason I mention this is because eff is it hard to be a woman in her thirties who doesn't have kids and to consequently feel like the odd one out or like there's something wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with me, my path is just different than yours.

I value my spirituality and things of a spiritual nature so much. It's a huge part of who I am and who I'm growing into. It's where I feel my path is leading, I just don't know in which way quite yet or how it will take shape. I believe in Beings throughout the ages who were sent to Earth to help the people regroup and start back on the right path. Jesus, Buddha, Great Spirit, all are part of and sent from the One Being of Light who created all. It's important for me to come back to this and touch base with my spiritual side. My altar adorned with crystals, Ganesh, Buddha, Shiva, and inspiring folks like Frida Khalo connect me with that Divine Source Energy.

Yoga and meditation. (Please Universe help me to make time for this in my daily life). There's something magical about this shit. I fully believe that yoga realigns your energy centers clearing blockages of energy in the physical, mental and ethereal bodies. Meditation, stillness, moments of complete surrender, are so very important. Even if thoughts flow in, that's okay(!), let them flow in and let them flow out, the important thing is to stay unattached and be observant. Each person's yoga and meditation practice will look different, we are all different beings. I used to get caught up in the images I saw of perfect yoga poses and super straight backs of the girls seated in lotus position meditating. Those ways of doing it never worked for me causing me to give up before I ever gave it a chance. I fit yoga into my schedule around ten o'clock at night, why(?), because that's when I'm free of my daily to-do's and can actually enjoy the process of breathing and stretching without it becoming another chore. Do what works for your schedule.

No longer do I want to live in fear of who I am. I want to proudly share my creations with the world whether you are a stranger or a co-worker. I want to feel empowered by my words and I want to share links to what I write on social media sites like facebook, not thinking about, or caring, who will read them and what they will say.

I want to be me, in all areas of life.

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Wow am I ever feeling full of high vibe energy! KV is amazing!

Keep focused on you, guys. Do what works for you. Stay positive during this full moon and eclipse. Hold the vision for the life that you want and stay flexible so that you can flow with the tides of change.

Peace my friends.

Namaste.

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You may also enjoy reading the following posts by me:

SUPPORTING THE SHIFT IN CONSCIOUSNESS
WE ARE ALL STARDUST
RESTING IN ORDER TO START WALKING

2 comments:

  1. Finally a post telling it like it is. I could or should have taken the time to figure it out as well, I can't believe how your truths are so similar to mine. Thought it was just me. Great article. Thanks for the reassurances 🙄

    ReplyDelete
  2. Finally a post telling it like it is. I could or should have taken the time to figure it out as well, I can't believe how your truths are so similar to mine. Thought it was just me. Great article. Thanks for the reassurances 🙄

    ReplyDelete