There's a lot of change happening within and around me and my energy is finding it tiring. I've been requiring many moments of solitude and rest. My head is feeling so heavy lately and I've been needing to find solace in my pillow, allowing myself to tune off to the world.
I don't have much going on in terms of a busy schedule, never have really. I prefer to keep my schedule light and free. I think this stems from my own need for freedom. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. But I require more from life.
I stumbled upon Rachel Brathen's book Yoga Girl and it's got me thinking about my life and if all that I want is valid.
Is it possible for me to start my own business?
Is it possible for me to travel the world?
Are my wants realistic for the person that I truly am?
How do people make the changes necessary within themselves to follow the path that they dream about daily?
How do people trust in their hearts desires?
Sometimes I wonder if my day dreams are just made up stories that I tell myself to occupy my wandering mind. There's so much about life that I don't want. I feel out of place in this middle of no-where Canadian prairie town. What is this day dreaming girl supposed to do with herself?
Rachel's book interested me because she shares her story and her authentic views on life. As much as I say I'm being my authentic self, I really don't believe that I am. There are many different sides to me, and certain people only see what I choose to reveal. Living authentically means not hiding who you are in every single moment of life.
Why is it that people choose nine times out of ten, to only post the smiling picture of themselves on social media? Why are we selective on what we share with the world? Why are we scared of revealing our real emotions? If life is full of easy parts and hard parts, sad parts and happy parts, then why can't I act that way at all times?
How can I shift my focus to live a more ''authentic to Richelle' life?
Who am I?
Who do I want to be?
How do I bridge the gap to get myself from point A to point B?
I'm not looking for a full on Eat.Pray.Love. experience, but I am looking to find myself. I want these layers of self that are falling away due to my ascension process, to bring forth the Richelle that I have always longed to be. The one that others have stiffled and said 'no' to. The version of me that most try to control instead of try to understand.
I don't know why I am the way I am, but what comes naturally to me, and what resonates with my Soul, is part of a bigger picture of who my authentic self really is.
Why am I always trying to make things work when my insides are screaming that they're not?
This 'Dark Night of the Soul' is real, and the only way to get thru it is to allow it. My transformation is in progress.
You may also enjoy reading the following posts by me:
STILL TRYING TO FIND MY FLOW
LEARNING TO PAINT FOR THE PROCESS
SPIRITUAL GANGSTERS NEED BREAKS TOO