just keep creating.


If there's one thing I've learned about the art world, it's that every artist does whatever the fuck they want. 

I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to realize that :) It's almost like people go to art school to ultimately unlearn what they learned in art school. Everyone ends up putting their own spin on everything.

I had many preconceived ideas about what made up an artist, and for the longest time I have struggled with not fitting into those definitions. For me an artist was someone who went to art school, simple as that. With approximately 7.4 billion people in the world (as per google), it is freaking impossible for every accomplished artist out there to be an art school graduate. I think I'm finally starting to see that one doesn't need the art degree to be just as talented as someone who doesn't have one.

Creativity is so individual to the person, think of this, your own brain connects with your own eyes and hands and magic happens. No one can teach you that. It's something that's ingrained in every human being since the dawn of time. Without creativity nothing would exist.

There are varying degrees of talent and I'm an amateur, but that's not a bad thing. I'm not looking to be the next Michelangeo, and to be honest, I don't want to be. Michelangelo, Picasso, and whomever else is still talked about from those years far gone, they have a place, but so does the art that I create. So does the art that everyone creates.

I can't explain why I create feathers over and over again but I think it's my thing. Most artists end up with a 'style', and for some reason feathers are part of mine.

It's weird to be entering Mercury Retrograde feeling optimistic and almost eager to push forward. There's a path and it has been illuminated. There's hope within that if I just start walking the bricks will be laid out one by one in front of me.




working through.


At the beginning of the year I remember feeling like 2016 was going to be a 'do-over' year for me, a chance to go back in time and live the path I've always wanted, the one I've always known was meant for me. As per usual, the year has played out slower than my impatient self expected and instead of gathering all that I want in life and having it immediately, this year has been about release, release of stagnant energy to clear the path for years to come.

 I've been awakened to traits about myself that I want to change and I've discovered a new found angle in which to view what living a creative life means for me. I've tested the waters of health and have validated that my body doesn't like an excess amount of sugar, salt or grains. I've been off of the health wagon for three weeks and a bloated stomach has been with me this whole time. In terms of exercise, slow yoga is what resonates with me. I don't know the official names of poses but an hour of stretching re-aligns my energy meridians and chakras and I feel excited to take on life. Because of yoga I'm more conscious of my breathing and throughout the work day I focus on deep full breaths. Breathing, it's so important but yet we were never taught how to do it properly. Such is the truth for many areas of life.

In the coming months I sense there's a lot more that's going to be brought to the surface for me to examine and determine it's place in my life. I'm more interested in listening to my gut feeling and making decisions based on my higher self's guidance than my mind. Yesterday I said 'yes' to two outings even though my mind was screaming at me to say 'no'. My battle with Ego is stronger than I've ever realized, it's been allowed to rule for much too long. I prefer to be honest with myself, ridding myself of Ego is going to take time, but as long as I'm putting in the effort I will be successful.

Sharing my art in a broader way is something that I would like to start doing next year. Right now I'm working thru releasing the monetary aspect that I've attached to creating and am digging thru the muck to find the place where I create out of pure joy. Thinking about selling a painting while it's in the process of being created means for me that I'm surrounding myself in an energy of lack. No wonder I go weeks at a time unable to paint. I need to create from a place of love, joy, and happiness.

Recently a coworker resigned and she's been mentioning to me that I need to get out of the toxic work environment. It definitely has it's toxic moments, and she experienced that full force, but my gut is telling me to stay put. I'm someone who moves around from job to job after two or three years, and my coworker leaving has made me think about what I want to do. I have recently passed up taking on another position at work, one that five years ago I was hired to eventually fill, but the way that everything played out to bring this position to me just wasn't right. It wasn't sitting well with me and I kept hearing from Spirit that, 'I want it, but I don't want it', and that's pretty accurate.

I would love the challenge and opportunity of a new routine but I have a lingering feeling that I'm going to end up frustrated in the end, and that's not the energy that I want to be surrounded in right now. Passing this up has definitely left me feeling lame, but if there's one thing I've learned it's that I can fully take on a new task and be successful at it. I don't need the title next to my name to prove to myself that I can do it. Filling in for this position has shown me just how much I've learned in the past few weeks, proof that down the road when Spirit directs me to make a move I will be capable.

Speaking of being directed, it's odd to have Spirit tell me not to make a move, usually I run and dive in full force. Passing up this opportunity has caused me to struggle with many thoughts, feelings, and negative self-talk. I've been trying to figure out why this panned out the way that it did and pondering if I've make a mistake by saying no to the opportunity. Aquarius Nation's Aries Horoscope validated these feelings and that I did make the right choice. I think that as the months play out I will be shown more scenarios to support this decision.

I've got to say, it's weird to be thirty-two and to be going thru so much inner work when all the humans around me are going about their life in the 'usual' way and seem content with that. As I type this I'm sitting in my back yard watching the new neighbors mow their grass and play with their baby. Sometimes for just one day I would like a break from feeling different, and experience what it's like to have the life that every single person around me has. I'm sure there's more work involved, but I sense it would be easier on the mind to fit in with every body else.

To be honest I'm tired of not fitting in, but looking back I see that all my life I've never fit in. I remember being in high school wearing thrifted bell bottoms and a groovy hippie shirt that was my grandma's from the 70's. There were a few girls who would stare at me and whisper back and forth to each other. I've always been different, but I think that it bothers others more than it bothers me. I understand that society doesn't feel comfortable with 'different' but what bothers me is when I feel the guilt that others place on me for being different, that's when I feel like I've done something wrong, if that makes sense?

I have never had a tribe of like-minded souls who are different in their ways of thinking and living life. People have popped in here and there, but then they leave, never has it been a long term connection. Living in the middle of no-where and working in a heavily religious town doesn't help me to come in contact with those like me who think outside of the box.

Where's all my people at? The ones who see Earth energy. Talk to trees, and receive guidance from the moon. Where are you?

Oh how a day of mind-peace and feeling accepted would be nice.



social media rant.


Strange energy flowed thru me today.

Work was busy as per usual and I was looking forward to my evening meditation. I stumbled upon a new yoga youtube channel and decided to give it a try. It was so fast paced and the woman spoke so quickly that I had a hard time keeping up. Instead of the restful and relaxed session that I was longing for my energy became amped up, angry, and frustrated. I kept having to pause the video and go back to re-watch the demonstration. This resulted in me breaking poses and feeling flustered. I decided to turn my tablet off and go outside to try and shake off some of the yucky energy I was feeling. I'm not ready for fast paced yoga, that's not what I need right now. This has left me feeling in an off kind of mood all night.


I go thru phases with social media, a constant love/hate relationship. I see the benefit of it for those that use it, but it tends to affect me on a deeper level and I'm not really sure why. I wish that I could use facebook for what it is, a means to connect and keep in touch. Maybe it's my lack of ability to do those things that causes it to be a time wasteland for me. I see the inspiration in social media, but it's become so much more than just connecting, it's a full on business platform. It's hard to see other creatives businesses flourishing while doors keep being closed for me.

I deactivated my facebook account tonight, this is something I've done in the past, and felt called to do again. It doesn't serve me in a beneficial way and needed to go. I created a twitter account last week and that too doesn't serve me in any beneficial way, so it's gone as well. I even had a moments thought to private my instagram and this here blog to give myself some space. The one thing that I really don't like about social media is that I don't really know anyone that follows me. It's this fake world of 'friends' and 'likes', 'views', and 'comments'. I really believe that this wrecks havoc on peoples' psyches.

I've been trying to remember the days before social media existed, what did I do with my time? And most importantly, what did it feel like to not be pulled to check an app on a phone umpteen times a day?

That pull to an inanimate object for the sake of pure addiction is, well, partly insanity to be honest. I should be able to wake up in the morning and brush my teeth without scrolling thru instagram. This isn't okay, people shouldn't be acting in this way.

I'm not even sure what to call this draw to see what other's are doing, but it's a strong pull. What was it like to have a phone that was just a phone? What was it like to connect with someone new in person and not thru a screen?

I love how the world has become more global and connected, we are able to share with each other in a split second, but it's the mind games that comes with these mediums that I just can't adjust to. Reading The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari has made me realize that I have a weak mind, I've let it get away on me and I've allowed it to take control. I need some time to amend that and I think I need a vacation from social media. To be honest, I can't even enjoy reading a good book with out stopping every twenty minutes to scroll thru instagram or check blog post stats. Wow. That's bad.

I've mentioned before that I really want 2017 to be a 'Yes Year' for me, and to do that I need to work hard on myself. Some people may not understand how one can become a slave to social media, and that's fair, I'm glad that you have the strength of mind to know what deserves your attention and what doesn't. I need to start doing some reflecting and cutting out that which no longer serves.

I've always been a person who sees the fakeness in people and I have a very hard time being around people like that, this makes me understand why these platforms of connection affect me in a negative way. Even a simple newsletter from a site I follow advertising the creator's most recent ebook which uses words like 'act fast', 'limited quantities available', 'early bird pricing', drives me crazy! All that this does is lure people in to whip out their credit card faster than they can even think about whether they really need this ebook or not. I get it, these people are self employed and these sites and various mediums are part of their marketing strategy, but it all seems too easy, and I think its making us as viewers turn into consumers with out even realizing it.

Today for example, I was almost sucked in to buying an online art course. I really had to pull myself out of the brainwashing that is advertising to realize that I've already taken an art ecourse from this artist, who I never really liked in the first place. I ended up finding her set up and videos to be extremely amateur for the price she charged, and all I saw when I read her newsletter was the strategically placed words meant to pull you in to making a purchase. I'm so not okay with that. I think this is one of the reasons I have a hard time creating art.

Since the creation of social media and seeing the successes of other creatives I've been in a whirlwind of needing to create for monetary gains. I want that creative life, I want success, I want to make money from my creations, but for me it doesn't really work like that. I can't go into creating a painting knowing that I need to put a price on it.  I don't want to 'con' people into buying things from me by using key phrases. If someone likes my work I want that to be because they appreciate my creativity not my ability to brainwash them into making a purchase due to the colourful and dramatic words I've used to advertise.


Okay, deep breath in. Deep breath out.

Eclipse season. It's working it's magic on me.



walking this spiritual path.


Oh wow! SO much to share from the past few weeks! I can honestly say that I am fully looking forward to the upcoming eclipse and retrograde. I'm looking forward to times of change and moments of reflection. The Universe is shifting the energy of the planet and we are in for an interesting ride!

Has anyone else been craving junk food? Since the last retrograde I've been eating relatively healthy, but this past week I want nothing to do with vegetables, give me all the carbs! My stomach is bloated from eating a weeks worth of grains and breads, chips, and pastries, but for some reason the rest of my being needs it.

I made a salad for lunch one day and couldn't bring myself to eat a single bite of it. My body just said 'No'. Today at the grocery store I stopped in front of the milk and almost bought a carton! That proves to me that something is going on and my energy is being affected as I haven't bought or drank milk in about four years! I asked myself if I would be able to drink it and the gag reflex in my throat also said 'No', so I settled on some almond milk instead.

Weird things going on in the ethers :)


Last week I was having visions of a blue and gold Om pendant and had a strong pull to venture to one of my favorite places, The Forks Market. Here I went straight to an East Indian boutique called Yash, and sure enough, there it was, just waiting for me. The owner showed me her selection of mala's and after a few years of me searching for the right one it came to me instead.

There are some gorgeous mala's out there, really beautiful works of art, but none have whispered, 'I'm yours', like this particular mala. It is super simple and basic, made out of white Holy Tulsi wood, orange string and a bright red tassel. When I held it in my hands I could feel it's energy, and when I wear it, it vibrates even more. Pure magic.

I also purchased a new yoga mat, I needed one that had better grip. I've rearranged my studio so that it is now an art/yoga/meditation space and the three function quite well together. Plus with everything on wheels it's easy to shift things out of the way when need be.

As much as I would love to be someone who wakes up early to meditate and do a short round of yoga, it just doesn't work with my schedule. Instead I'm finding it much more enjoyable to practice around 8 or 9pm, using relaxing poses to wind myself down for sleep.

Recently I was prompted to write an article on Mastery which you may read HERE. Spirit was directing this work to gain my attention and I received another piece to that puzzle. On the weekend I stumbled across The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari and couldn't put it down! Numerous upon numerous times the author mentions 'Mastery' and the keys to mastering your mind and your life. Oh yes Spirit, I got the hint! I have highlighted 95% of the pages in this book, it's that good! It reminded me of The Alchemist and is full of spiritual advice on living a life of purpose.

With the message of this book I've decided that it's time for me to really start practicing my gift of intuition. I know I'm gift and receive several confirmations weekly to validate what I'm receiving, but I want to go deeper. I'm ready for a mentor. Someone who sees my gift and would be willing to work with me to make it blossom. I know that I'm intuitive and I know that I receive messages from the Universe, but I need someone who can help me to exercise that intuitive muscle so that it becomes stronger. No longer do I want to read books or websites on the topic, I want a real person standing in front of me, who is also gifted and has walked this path, to help me grow in my gift, myself, and my knowing. It is time.

I'm looking forward to taking the remainder of this year to really dig in to my spiritual self.



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i want to be me.


The energies are all over the place! Hence, why my words have been backwards, forwards, hopeful, sad, very much scattered. This last little bit has been high intensity and I must admit that I'm looking forward to the coming Fall.

But(!) after watching KV from Aquarius Nation's most recent youtube video I am flying high again!


Alright, lets regroup, refocus, shake off the shit and delve into what really matters. So easy it is for me to sink into the dark side, it's a life long lesson choosing to see the good in a given situation, I know this and still I falter. A case of 'being human' I suppose. 2017 is fast approaching and I have four and a bit months left to conquer riding the rainbow unicorn instead of standing behind it in it's shit pile.

I can do this. I can become someone who chooses to see the good in a situation, in a person, in anything that life throws my way. I can become a 'yes person', and I can have a 'yes year'. This is going to take me extremely out of my comfort zone, but it's about time I forged a new path ahead instead of walking the same old dusty one.

Okay. So. What do I know about myself? What are my likes and dislikes? What do I want out of life? And what am I staying attached to as a 'want' but is really a 'want' of Ego, and something that I should be setting myself free from? That's some deep inner work there! Perfect ponderings for a full moon and eclipse season.


I'm a creative person who values times of solitude to recharge. I enjoy spending time with like minded souls and people who aren't put off or afraid of my tendency to go deep with conversations. I really don't give a fuck what your favourite colour is, I want to know why it's your favourite colour and how it makes you feel.

When the creative bug strikes I want to be ready with my art supplies laid out to go or my laptop handy to type up some rambling wordage. I feel alive during these moments and know that they are part of my purpose and path. But I need to accept that my creativity ebbs and flows like the seasons, and that's okay!

Sometimes I think of myself as a battery, when in the presence of others I'm constantly sending an energetic charge out to those around me. To be honest, this depletes me, but it's also part of my purpose and path. Even when I'm not speaking to another I know that the Universe is using me as a conduit to deliver life force energy to those in need. This requires me to have frequent moments of solitude to charge myself back up. Either I nap, sit outside in nature, or watch some inspiring peeps via youtube, all of these help to fill up my reservoir so that I may go out into the world the next day.

Because I feel energy so easily I know asap who I'm comfortable being around and who I'd rather stay away from. SO thankful for KV speaking about this in her video as it's something I live daily and hearing her words on the subject validated this for me. Just because I don't talk to you doesn't mean I don't like you, it just means that I can sense our individual energies not being able to mesh. I do believe that this isn't always a forever thing, putting in effort to be around each other can change this and we can feel each other out and maybe eventually jive, but if not, it's not the end of the world. There will always be others coming into our lives who will be a better fit. Even tho my life has few people in it, the ones that are there are golden.

I want to own my own business one day, whether that be thru working at home, or a brick and mortar store, but right now just ain't the right time. KV reminded me that she didn't start sharing her gift with the world for a good decade, and sometimes that's just how it's meant to be. I will continue to write down pages in my idea journal, and take notes throughout the day when the Universe speaks to me, but I'm not going to stress myself out with feeling like I need to jump at the chance to make a quick buck. What KV said is true, we are in the age of Aquarius, and no longer can we start something out of feelings of lack and gaining monetary value. It needs to be birthed from our hears space and shared with the world out of complete love. Divine timing will take care of the rest.

This goes for my art too. No longer will I create pieces with dollar signs in mind, my lack of completed pieces proves this point. When trying to create with a finished selling price in mind, the heart doesn't follow thru, nothing clicks, and creativity literally jumps out the window. Love needs to be the sole reason one creates and only from love will each of my artistic projects take shape.

I'm a self aware person, but I need to fully trust in my own unique way of doing things. My human mind doesn't always understand why I am the way that I am, and why I think what I do, but my Soul knows. If something doesn't feel right for me then it isn't right, even if it is the norm of mainstream society. If I don't want kids it's because a) I can't imagine or visualize myself pregnant, b) I can't fathom waking up early every day and rushing kids off to daycare or school, and c) thinking about focusing on one thing (aka person) for eighteen years and beyond just doesn't make sense to this girl who needs freedom and variety in her life. I know in my heart that there's a reason I'm not meant to have this in my life and even if I don't know why, I trust that it is the right choice for me. The only reason I mention this is because eff is it hard to be a woman in her thirties who doesn't have kids and to consequently feel like the odd one out or like there's something wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with me, my path is just different than yours.

I value my spirituality and things of a spiritual nature so much. It's a huge part of who I am and who I'm growing into. It's where I feel my path is leading, I just don't know in which way quite yet or how it will take shape. I believe in Beings throughout the ages who were sent to Earth to help the people regroup and start back on the right path. Jesus, Buddha, Great Spirit, all are part of and sent from the One Being of Light who created all. It's important for me to come back to this and touch base with my spiritual side. My altar adorned with crystals, Ganesh, Buddha, Shiva, and inspiring folks like Frida Khalo connect me with that Divine Source Energy.

Yoga and meditation. (Please Universe help me to make time for this in my daily life). There's something magical about this shit. I fully believe that yoga realigns your energy centers clearing blockages of energy in the physical, mental and ethereal bodies. Meditation, stillness, moments of complete surrender, are so very important. Even if thoughts flow in, that's okay(!), let them flow in and let them flow out, the important thing is to stay unattached and be observant. Each person's yoga and meditation practice will look different, we are all different beings. I used to get caught up in the images I saw of perfect yoga poses and super straight backs of the girls seated in lotus position meditating. Those ways of doing it never worked for me causing me to give up before I ever gave it a chance. I fit yoga into my schedule around ten o'clock at night, why(?), because that's when I'm free of my daily to-do's and can actually enjoy the process of breathing and stretching without it becoming another chore. Do what works for your schedule.

No longer do I want to live in fear of who I am. I want to proudly share my creations with the world whether you are a stranger or a co-worker. I want to feel empowered by my words and I want to share links to what I write on social media sites like facebook, not thinking about, or caring, who will read them and what they will say.

I want to be me, in all areas of life.


Wow am I ever feeling full of high vibe energy! KV is amazing!

Keep focused on you, guys. Do what works for you. Stay positive during this full moon and eclipse. Hold the vision for the life that you want and stay flexible so that you can flow with the tides of change.

Peace my friends.



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shadows are cast.


Is anyone else feeling completely off their rocker lately? Shifting quickly from happy, hopeful emotions to dark and menacing ones?? The highs are high and the lows are low, but how rapidly they change is astonishing. And don't forget the exhaustion! Granted my work days are none stop go, go, go, from 7am to 3:30pm, it's leaving my mind and body drained. I feel my body wanting to shift away from eating healthy, my 80/20 rule worked great, but I want junk food. I'm not too interested in seeing another leaf on my plate for a while.


Raccoon has been showing up for me, in non physical form. It's rare for me to see raccoons on my drive to and from work, but over the past few weeks I've see four or five on the side of the highway, poor things turned into road kill. How does that affect the message?


My mind wants to jump but my body wants to stay still. I drink oodles of water and rest, not much else. I can't help it, as lame as this makes me feel, every molecule of my being wants rest.


In the past year four great people have moved on from my life. These are people who I connected with and who I will always cherish.

The first one to exit was the hardest for me to adjust to, and I still find myself wanting to reach out to them. However, my higher self knows that if I did I would end up feeling worse than I already do. If by some chance you read this, I watched 'Stranger Things' on Netflix, you'd like it.

The second one to exit was always there for me when energetically I was being beat down by another. She cared a lot and is a truly genuine human being. We connected instantly, and I still don't know how she was able to hold a smile on her face daily.

The third to leave was super fun to chat with and she was the first person I met who understood what it was like to be in battle with ones mind. She too is a work in progress, learning more about herself as she goes, and adjusting her thinking to become the person she wants to be.

The fourth to leave was a deep soul friend and I will never forget the first few instances that we spoke and both realized the divine connection between us. One can only wish happiness for their friends and of course I supported her choice to move on. We've had our ups and downs, but it's definetly strange knowing she's not in the next room anymore.


With these four people gone I'm no longer in the presence of others whom I connect with on deeper levels and that's leaving me feeling alone, stranded, vulnerable, bare. I do believe that one's ability to be alone is a strong point, but it's going to take some getting used to. Like a butterfly, sometimes one needs to stand alone in solitude before they become the person they are transforming into.

I sense this fall and winter being busy on my mind, but full of an inner emptiness. The dark night of the soul is in full force.



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inner reflections.


To be brutally honest with myself, I need to ask, do I even want this 'success' that I have been spending several years striving for?

I do feel like I missed the boat of success. I do feel like I wasn't supported at an important time in my life to pursue what I wanted, but now I have to ask myself, do I really want the success?

Do I need to reach that form of achievement? 

Who am I needing to please and what am I needing to prove to myself?

I can't wrap my head around a single thing about the world of online business. Google Analytics, I mine as well be trying to read Greek. Something is just not connecting. It would be much easier if this 'something' stood right out in front of me and said, 'Richelle, this isn't part of your path. Let it go.' But that hasn't happened, and won't happen. The only one who can decide what is right for me is myself.

To be honest, the one thing that I want is freedom. I want to come and go as I please. I want to ebb and flow with the tides. I don't want to spend my time in front of a computer screen analyzing data to show me which of my posts are popular and which I could promote more. I actually can't believe that this is a form of self employment. I missed this boat for a reason, I was born a decade too late for a reason. I'm not part of the crowd that grew up with this form of technology, I grew up with tree forts and bike rides around my bay. Maybe it's time for me to accept and leave this to the youngin's that know what they are doing.

I think it's time for me to consciously look inside and find what matters to me. I'm not sure that I should be spending any more time pursuing something that was never meant to be part of my life. Maybe I need to look at my writing and painting for what it is; fun, enjoyment, a release. And maybe that's good enough.

Maybe I need to go back to simplicity. Go back to gratitude and what I am thankful for in my life today. Breathing is on the list, along with times of rest and relaxation. I'm trying to fit that square into a round hole and it's just not working.

I walk around suffering on the inside, a need for success, a need to prove to myself that I am capable of achievement is really bogging me down. Daily I have to consciously make the choice to be in a good mood, to put on a smile, to extend caring to another person. That's not okay. That's not how one who has a good life should be feeling on a daily basis.

What happens if I let it all go? All of it? Accept my life for what it is, where I am, and what I won't be part of because it simply wasn't meant to be.

Is that possible?



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today's message from spirit.


The Universe speaks to you, speaks to me, speaks to all of us. We just have to want to tune in and listen.

Today Spirit speaks to me of the burning desire we all feel to lead accomplished lives. We want to leave this plane feeling like we made an impact, made a difference. Is that what life is about, leaving a legacy of sorts for future generations to learn from?

What I see for myself and my life is a yearning to be happy. Like all souls, happiness ranks high on the true meaning of life. Through many different means happiness can be achieved and only you will know if your path has lead you to a full life.

My acts of happiness are different than most. I find joy and fulfillment in simple luxuries like enjoying a summer day laying out in the sun. Others need more, need motion, need adventure, need challenges to get them out there exploring and doing. I'm good with a little adventure but I truly love just being. Feeling the day unfold around me.

In stillness is where I tap into the great well of knowledge that is the Universal Consciousness. I'm a conduit for beings of other realms to bring forth their messages to the people of Earth. I haven't explored this much, but would like to see what happens if I open myself to that well of knowledge on a regular basis.

How does one connect to the Universe you may ask? Via trust, an open mind, and stillness. The words that come forth in your mind are direct messages from your guides, your panel of homies in non-physical form. We are all connected to guides of this sort and the more we communicate the easier it becomes to recognize the call when the Universal phone is ringing with another message for us to share.

Most of my messages are of a personal nature, pertaining directly to my own life. But what would happen if I go bigger than that? Open myself up to receiving messages specific to the lives of those around me?

I ask my guides to help me learn this. To help me remember to ask more questions about the information I am receiving so that I can pin point what the message is about and who it is for.



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sharing is scary.


Today I woke up realizing that I have two natural desires in life.

Writing (see my new 'Words' tab).

Creating (artistically, as in, with paints and shit).

That's what burns deep inside.

When I'm at my day job, typing away, entering digit after digit, fixing problems and answering questions, the Universe is constantly pulling at me with the next piece of writing that I need to shape, or luring me into my art room from miles away.

So I should like, just do that, right?

There's a part of writing and painting that's challenging to navigate, and it's the part that requires me to put myself out there. No one in my life knows that I have this space on the interweb where I share my thoughts. Rarely do I show people my art in person, it's only thru Instagram where if someone sees it it's only for a split second and I don't know who they are.

As much stupid shit that I say throughout the day and should feel embarrassed about, sharing these two passions is hard for me. Some would say maybe I fear critisism and shy away because of that. I don't feel that to be true. If I dig deep I think it's because I never learned how to stand true in my natural abilities. Grabbing hold of them and treating them as what they are, parts of my self, of my being. Things that represent me. They go hand in hand with living and breathing. So why am I not doing it?

I don't consider myself a blogger because I don't think of this space in that way and I don't interact with people in the blogging world in the way that would define one as a blogger. Instead I choose to log in when the time feels right to expel whatever has been swirling around my head in the moment. It's not really a place that I take seriously or put any thought into creating pieces of writing worthy of a stage for others to read. But lately I've been wondering that maybe its time to create that stage. Maybe it's time to put myself out there.

In the past I've tried, only to have fear take over, resulting in me deleting what I posted. Last night I read some amazing pieces of work that fueled my fire of writing and made me see the difference between writing these ramblings and writing for the sake of real, true, writing. I think it's time to love and accept myself, and create a space for my writing. At the very least I should honour what's naturally inside, and what naturally wants to be born upon the world. I keep being reminded of the book Big Magic and how creativity strikes. It does this often for me when it comes to writing so therefore I should write. Right?

This goes for painting too. I don't think I've ever shared my paintings here. In the past I tried, but allowed myself to fall victim to fear and deleted every post. But I should create a stage for them too, if nothing but for the fact that they are also extensions of self, true self. And that should be shared.

This week I have been trying to wrap my head around creating a website for my art. I've looked at wordpress.com and wix.com. Are those good stages? I don't know. Will they even be useful? I don't know. Right now wix.com is standing out to me more because they have a store option, which is kind of the point of what I want to do with my art. Big picture, I want to create art that I can sell to fund trips with organizations that travel around the world to help people in need. Creating a website for my art will put myself in the place of needing to create paintings for said website so that I can start planning these humanitarian type trips.

Ok, go!



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109 world.


"What you seek is seeking you." - Rumi

I've read this quote many times before, but right now it's feeling especially delicious.

I feel like I've lived most of my life in a sheltered state. I've stayed close to home, never did anything 'bad'. I wake up, go to work, repeat. This year has brought about many realizations, there's so much that I don't know about life, about the world, and I'm feeling the urge to expand my awareness. My days don't consist of much, and tho I keep myself busy after work, my hobbies are pretty low key, yoga, reading, salad prep. There's more to life, and I want to see what that more is.

I could take a class, learn a new hobby, but no, I need something bigger. I need an adventure that's just for me. Something that when it's complete, I'm proud of myself for accomplishing it.

The last time I felt like this was the first time I hopped on a plane at twenty-two and jetted two provinces over, solo, to visit my cousin for the weekend. At that time it was a much needed escape from a life of hell with a horrible person, but I still look back and am astonished that I did it. I remember how scared I was to navigate the airport, to seat myself on a plane full of strangers, and then nervously make my way to baggage claim fingers crossed that my luggage was there waiting for me and not half way over the ocean headed to Hawaii. That was the first time I took a big adventure, just for myself.

Gosh, I need to feel that again.

The Universe has put something across my path that would be an ultimate adventure. It's big, it's drastic, and it's totally outside of my comfort zone. It requires dedication and planning, it requires vaccines, (which is the hardest part about this whole journey HA!), but yet it's something that I've been seeking for awhile now.

I have a map of the world hanging in my bedroom, and every day I look at it running thru my head the list of places I want to see. But I don't want the typical North American vacation, I've been there done that. I want to help, I want to create change. I want to partner with other people of like minds and spread some good in the world.

109World has got my mind racing.

Would it be possible?
It's a lot of money.
But would I ever regret spending money on an experience like this?

When I put into perspective where my money can go, where my money can take me, I never want to walk into a department store again, buying useless shit that I end up tossing in a year. I see where I was living my life 'asleep', focusing on what media and society was telling me to focus on. All this time I could have had many travels and done many great things, but alas, buying an eighth jacket that hangs unworn in my closet was more important. Oh fast fashion, you've become quite a demon in the world.

If I create a goal for myself, something amazing to focus on and achieve, I will be able to shift my mindset and get some worldly experiences added to my life resume.

Sounds freakin' great to me!



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like a butterfly.



Transformation is my word lately. 

It first popped up a few weeks back when I felt drawn to pull a card from my Goddess Oracle Deck. Butterfly Maiden brought news that I am going thru a deep transformation, and I'm starting to see the beginning stages of this playing out in my life.

When I think of who I want to be, an outgoing, open, social person comes to mind. I want to trust fully in my passions, interests, gut feelings and heart. I want to say 'Yes', instead of my normal 'No'.

There is much that I need to break free from. 

The Richelle that I've been for the past few years is feeling stagnant, and is no longer in alignment with my future. Only I can make these changes, and I'm hoping that my willingness to recognize what needs to be changed will get me some brownie points with the Universe :)

I want to live a 'Yes Life'

To be honest, I couldn't even tell you how to go about this. For many years I was a 'glass is half empty' gal. Now it's time to do the work and make this change.

I want to be able to start up and carry conversations with people. I freakin' suck at this. I want to spend time with people. I freakin' suck at this too. I want to lose my comfort with being in my head, and find excitement in talking to others. I want people to feel comfortable around me instead of thinking that I don't like them. I want to join others in experiences like trying new restaurants or doing yoga on a paddle board. I want 2017 to be my 'Yes Year'.

The amount of effort that this is going to take on my part, wow, it's going to be challenging. This is going to be a choice that I make daily to shift my actions and create more out of life. My ultimate goal requires me to be around people all day everyday, conversing, helping, sharing, and I need to transform myself into an outgoing, friendly, approachable person.

That is what I want.



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don't give up.

There's a lot of change happening within and around me and my energy is finding it tiring. I've been requiring many moments of solitude and rest.  My head is feeling so heavy lately and I've been needing to find solace in my pillow, allowing myself to tune off to the world.

I don't have much going on in terms of a busy schedule, never have really. I prefer to keep my schedule light and free. I think this stems from my own need for freedom. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. But I require more from life.

I stumbled upon Rachel Brathen's book Yoga Girl and it's got me thinking about my life and if all that I want is valid.

Is it possible for me to start my own business?

Is it possible for me to travel the world?

Are my wants realistic for the person that I truly am?

How do people make the changes necessary within themselves to follow the path that they dream about daily?

How do people trust in their hearts desires?

Sometimes I wonder if my day dreams are just made up stories that I tell myself to occupy my wandering mind. There's so much about life that I don't want. I feel out of place in this middle of no-where Canadian prairie town. What is this day dreaming girl supposed to do with herself?

Rachel's book interested me because she shares her story and her authentic views on life. As much as I say I'm being my authentic self, I really don't believe that I am. There are many different sides to me, and certain people only see what I choose to reveal.  Living authentically means not hiding who you are in every single moment of life.

Why is it that people choose nine times out of ten, to only post the smiling picture of themselves on social media? Why are we selective on what we share with the world? Why are we scared of revealing our real emotions? If life is full of easy parts and hard parts, sad parts and happy parts, then why can't I act that way at all times?

How can I shift my focus to live a more ''authentic to Richelle' life?

Who am I?

Who do I want to be?

How do I bridge the gap to get myself from point A to point B?

I'm not looking for a full on Eat.Pray.Love. experience, but I am looking to find myself. I want these layers of self that are falling away due to my ascension process, to bring forth the Richelle that I have always longed to be. The one that others have stiffled and said 'no' to. The version of me that most try to control instead of try to understand.

I don't know why I am the way I am, but what comes naturally to me, and what resonates with my Soul, is part of a bigger picture of who my authentic self really is.

Why am I always trying to make things work when my insides are screaming that they're not?

This 'Dark Night of the Soul' is real, and the only way to get thru it is to allow it. My transformation is in progress.



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