the buds are starting to bloom.


There was someone in my life who, looking back now, made me feel inadequate. This was not something that they spoke, or to my knowledge thought, but during their existence in my life I felt like I wasn't up to par. That I wasn't enough.

Just because someone has had experiences in life that I have not had doesn't mean that they are using their time on this planet any better than I am. I don't know what it was about this person that caused me to feel these low emotions, but as I sit in the sunshine watching a robin take a bath in a puddle I realize that something so simple as experiencing this moment is enough.

The teachings of the Law of Attraction have resurfaced in my life and I'm grasping the lessons much more. I see how everything in life, in the Universe, is brought into existence thru energy. All is energy. I see how everything in my life was made manifest by my positive and negative thoughts. I am the sole creator of the good and bad experiences that I have had, and there's absolutely no one to put the blame on but myself. I'm done playing the 'woe is me' card and am ready to work on myself so that I can be of the right mindset to carry out my purpose, my gift to the world.

My current life situation isn't my forever reality. I know that I have the power to change it, to bring forth what I truly want in life, and in doing so I need to let go.

Spirit keeps sending me messages about this person who is no longer in my life. My energetic grasp on them isn't as strong as it once was, but I'm being directed that now is the time to fully let go. This person will never exist in my life again, Spirit has told me so, and by releasing them completely I'm creating space for the new. For happiness. For love. For peace. For joy.

Letting go is a life lesson that I continue to learn on this current journey thru the cosmos. People flow in and out of my life, interests flow in and out of my life, situations flow in and out of my life. There's a constant energetic motion of flow that changes things up every few years. Just as I am starting to find comfort in a situation or person bam(!) the Universe shakes things up. Such was the purpose of said person. They were put on my path to shake things up and life is definitely different since their exit.

My new found acquaintance with the Law of Attraction combined with my sense to let things go is again steering me in a new direction. I want these next few years to be about epic travel adventures, relaxing summer nights, and healthy choices for my body, mind, and soul. I call forth abundance, prosperity, and excitement into my life. My thoughts and words will make it so.

"That which is like unto itself is drawn."
- The Law of Attraction 


supporting the shift in consciousnes.

A realization hit me, I'm thirty-two years old and connect with those ten years younger than me. I think like they do and want the same things out of life as they do. This has left me wondering why? 

Right now most of the people in my age group are doing the 'family thing', focused on making baby number 3 and getting their oldest to soccer, hockey, or baseball practice. I've had a challenge trying to figure out why I don't want that, and why I'm resonating with the twenty-somethings who are very much focused on what the vast majority of society would call alternative ways of living.

A lot of these twenty-somethings are making the choice to live healthy lifestyles. When I say 'healthy lifestyles' I mean that they are choosing to live in accordance with what is good for their physical health and the health of our planet. Living in this way has almost become trendy, and as much as I don't like trends, I'm really happy to see this, as these people are thinking beyond themselves and are ultimately helping to make the change for future generations of humans on this planet. 

It's quiet astonishing to look back over the decades of my life and see how I was programmed to live in a certain way. I don't put blame on anyone for this, it's just what happens in our society, and I fell victim to it. Now that I have 'woken up', am taking control of my life, and am choosing to shift my focus I am being shown a new world of different ways of thinking and living.

For a long time I didn't feel like I had a choice in how I lived my life, crazy right. I really did live under the rule of others opinions which dictated my days. It's been a long journey to get me to this place where I no longer allow others words to affect me, and now use my own voice to speak freely about my beliefs, opinions, and choices.

These twenty-somethings, man I think they are so cool. I love youtube for it's ability to give a stage to all who want one. I believe that the more people share, the more positive changes are made. I no longer watch movies and tv shows, and when I do sit down to watch anything I find myself enjoying youtube videos. I set my focus only on channels created by real people, not actors, who are sharing their own life story, unscripted.  

These twenty-somethings were in junior high and high school when youtube first came out and so were raised with it, and are choosing to use it for the good. I love seeing people using their voice, sharing their opinions, and standing strong in who they are. These are all things that I have struggled with growing up and only in my thirties am feeling more comfortable with doing so. I resonate so much with these people who are focused on eating clean healthy foods, living seperate from 'the system', and are putting the planet first. It's neat to see how we are just a decade's difference in age, but I feel they are on point with what society needs to be doing as a whole. 

The ease and strength with which they make their choices is inspiring. They watch a documentary, choose they want to be vegan, and actually take the steps to get there. For me, I watch that same documentary and still it takes me years of thinking about making changes before I put the first change in place to reach my end goal. I've noticed for them that they just do it, there is no beating around the bush, they make decisions quickly and implement changes with ease. 

One reason why I no longer watch tv shows or movies, and have a hard time listening to the radio and music, is that my brain was fully programmed from day one of my existence to do and believe what I was being told and shown. Yikes! I look at my fellow thirty-something peers and see how we were raised to believe that you go to school, get a degree, get married, buy a house, have kids, raise kids, die. Yes I am paraphrasing to the extreme :) but these twenty-somethings are doing things differently, and I believe that my generation is of the last do do things in such a structured fashion.

The twenty-somethings know that the whole world is interconnected and are using their time on this planet to help humanity. They see that even tho we live in a first world country, we are very much connected to other humans living in third world countries. I can't fathom how in 2016, in such a technologically advanced age, there are still third world countries, which are remaining third world countries because of first world countries choices and decisions It's sick, and horrible, and I commend everyone who is taking the time out of their life to help their fellow humans.

I have made a lot of changes this year, I struggle with them being made slowly instead of swiftly, but I know it's because I am also having to go thru thirty years worth of unprogramming. I love that I continue to be shown others of like mind, even tho I don't know these people, each one of us is helping to shift the consciousness of the planet and that's so very important.

I'm starting to get a firm grasp on who I am and what I want for my life, present and future. After three decades of living in fear and being very no focused, I'm looking forward to 2017 being a YES year.

Namaste friends. 

Remember to be you and not the you that they tell you to be :)


making a choice to release.

I've been in a period of ebb.

Learning a new job has used up my extra brain power and my body is really relishing in moments of quiet and extra rest. I've had much down time over these past few weeks, choosing to focus on reading, tidying up the house, painting, and just being. I'm finding comfort in curling up with a cozy blanket and resting my head. It's funny how life is like that, even when your brain may be telling you to go, your inner voice speaks louder letting you know that it's time for some soulful rest.

Things have shifted for me in some of my relationships.

I've noticed just how entranced I become with people that I feel a connection with. This causes me to take the focus off what matters in my life and solely focus my energy on them. Not good. Last year was a big eye opener and really showed me that I need to never do this again. If I become wrapped up in anyone it should be in myself, and supporting myself in being the best that I can be.

I tend to be the one who listens to another's endless tales of woe. Whats super frustrating is that I listen to their same tale over and over again, always about things in their life that they aren't willing to put forth the effort to change, but instead keep complaining about. I'll be honest and admit that for a large part of my life I was the one reciting the woeful tale, but I now see the error of my ways and no longer want to partake in this output of negative energy whether it is mine or another's.

This past week I randomly mentioned to a coworker about my dreams of one day owning a business. He was surprised, but was genuinely supportive and excited for me, which actually brought tears to my eyes. It's rare for me to have someone actually stop and ask me questions about my life. I don't have many people around me, and not many to share in my joys and excitements, so this bit of interest in my life really touched my heart. Even tho the convo lasted for just a few short minutes it was nice to have someone acknowledge me in that way instead of me being the one listening, supporting, and offering advice.

I like to help people and pass on knowledge if I can, but Spirit is still instructing me to hold back and not extend my energy. I've caught myself offering up bits of wisdom that like usual, falls on deaf ears. I've read some really great books that I've wanted to share with friends, but have halted myself, keeping my energy within instead of emptying my reserves. Everyone has the same ability to seek out information just as I do and if they truly want to change then they need to seek out how to do so themselves. It's a choice that they need to make and follow thru with.

One day I will have a platform where people looking for help will seek me out, and I will be there with an arsenal of healing tips, tricks, and advice. Spirit is continuing to share with me and I am collecting all of my findings for when the time is right. I fully believe in my purpose and know that it will help humanity.



made friends with darkness.


I woke up this morning with the song lyric, 'Break on thru to the other side...'  Kinda coincidental considering yesterday's post was about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I have arrived :)

This morning as I was gathering my things to leave for work I paused for a moment to look at my humble hippie-esque home. Jun tea fermenting on the counter, seeds starting to sprout, a fridge full of healthy fruits and veg. This lifestyle has been in me for a while, but I was having a hard time pulling it all together. I am so thankful and blessed. After going thru a shit year, I can finally and honestly say that I am happy.

A vision came to me this morning, I saw myself standing in front of a table with a pile of puzzle pieces. I was assembling the puzzle and heard that no longer am I waiting to find the next piece to my puzzle, that I have them all and the puzzle will be put together piece by piece. What a powerful and wonderful vision!

The changes I have made are making me a whole new person.

I will say it again, going thru soul work is shit, but man, ya gotta do it if you want change. Over time small changes make big impacts. I ain't gonna lie, it can take some time to get there, but you will. You too will see the light.

Firstly I recommend cleaning up your diet. Try as best as possible to only eat whole foods. I've been using an 80/20 rule, 80% healthy, 20% not so much. This equation is helping me to transition one day into a fully whole diet. I'm not very good at going cold turkey when changing up my meals, and find that I end up with some pretty big cravings, so this is a nice way of reaching my goals by easing myself into it.

Yoga. It's fantastic. By no means am I any good, I look at the videos repeatedly, but I'm trying, and that's the most important thing. I'm only doing it a couple times a week, but wow am I really seeing and feeling the benefits. I really believe that there is something magical to yoga. I feel like it aligns the energy in your physical, emotional, and spiritual bodies.

I also suggest retreating a bit and spending some time to yourself. My choice to back away and just do me for a while has helped me step into my own. I've really been able to dig deep and I believe that my time of solitude has helped to progress me thru this process quicker. When you want to change your life, you gotta do what you gotta do.  When you clean up your diet and the people you associate with, the energy within and around you changes, you begin resonating at a higher frequency.

In my experience, a lot of 'spiritual teachers' don't talk about the dark times that one goes thru on this journey. They want to keep your focus on the light. I get that. We are the light, we want to be in the light. But to be honest I experienced much confusion because I didn't know that this darkness would occur and that it was part of the process. I thought something was wrong with me.

I am a big believer in being real. Even if real is hard, it's still true. I don't want to confuse people and tell them that their spiritual journey will be one of only light, cuz it won't be. There will be dark times. Everything is a cycle, we experience both polarities.

As someone who would one day like to be a spiritual coach, real is what you'd get. There will be times when I suggest you meditate in the light, and then times when I suggest you meditate in the dark. When I was living in the darkness I couldn't see the light, I couldn't even visualize it. Despite what so many spiritual books say, from my experience, I believe that you literally have to go thru the darkness. I believe that when you are doing inner work one can't just step over the dark to get to the light. It doesn't work that way.  You need to become one with it, feel and experience it, in order to be healed. At the end of the journey thru darkness, the light will for sure shine.