5.31.2016

starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Source


I just had a supreme 'a-ha' moment :)

As I finished making my lunch for tomorrow, pondering what to do next with my evening, I decided to grab my current book, Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson, and head to bed early. There's something so soothing about cozying up under blankets to spend a few extra hours in bed. As I walked past my studio Ego spoke up telling me that I should paint or do yoga instead. Thankfully my bed was calling louder, so that's where I went.

As I pulled up the covers I thought, 'No longer will I feel like I'm wasting time, and that I should be doing something else. Reading is doing something, and if that's what I need then how can the time spent doing it be wasted?'

Gosh I've been putting that self-imposed stress on myself for years. I've made such progress with feeling content in my life. It's fucking shit going thru inner soul work, but I'm starting to make it thru to the other side.

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Yesterday Mr. Ego made my morning hard.

Do you ever have those days where Ego tries it's damnedest to keep you in a state of fear?

That was my day.

At least I can recognize fear's source, right?

When this happens it can mess up my whole day, producing anxiety within me for weeks. Anything 'new', anything involving doing things with others, all of this seems to give Ego a foot hold to latch in to my thought processes and strike with force.

As I've become more open to feeling energy from my surroundings and others, this has increased my anxieties when it comes to hanging out with people, even people that I've known for years. I can pick up on other's energy easily, even when they are hundreds of miles away. I sense their thoughts of wanting to get together and that's where the anxiety within myself begins.

Once the conversation occurs and the invite has been extended, my anxiety increases and regularly turns to anger and frustration that my schedule is being disrupted. My thoughts then center around all of the effort that I need to exert to visit these people. This can easily eat up days worth of energy that could be used on much more productive things.

I want to rid myself of this.

I want to experience new things and enjoy my time with others.

I found a new crystal, Tektite. For months it sat with the other rocks in my collection until one day I heard it's call to be worn.

Tektite is having an interesting effect on me. It works with your lower chakras, the ones that I have the most trouble keeping in balance. Tektite is filling in a missing piece of my make up which doesn't naturally occur within myself. It gives me a 'boost'. I feel stronger, confident, sure of myself, and connected to all that I am.

I need balance in my life.

A balance between stillness and motion. Solitude and togetherness. Painting and writing. Eating carbs and eating veggies. I think that this crystal is assisting with this.

I'm shitty at talking to people. Small talk? What is that? My mind goes blank in these situations and I end up just sitting there looking like someone who isn't interested in conversing. Tektite helps me move past this. Tektite makes me feel like I am standing in my power. My thoughts are positive. The words that I speak, positive. I feel hope, joy, and the abundance of the world.

When I carry my Tektite I experience feeling in my power. When not carrying it I feel unlike my true self. As of now I've been wearing it for two hours and I can feel my energy, thoughts, and mood shifting. I can feel the anxiety subsiding, and just sent an email to family members to request a hangout on my day off.

This crystal is helping things within me to shift and change. I am feeling more and more that my acquaintance with it is part of my spiritual journey.

Stones are a gift from the Earth, and I believe in their healing powers. I have experienced the healing properties that crystals posses and have chosen to add them to my life for a natural way of living.

Namaste.

2 comments:

  1. Frig, I so know what you mean about the small talk thing. It's literally one of my LEAST favourite things, EVER. If I don't connect with someone on a deeper level right away, then I become the most awkward, uncomfortable, introverted person ever. (This vending thing is supremely challenging me on this!)

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    1. When I was making handmade wares and thinking of vending, having to be around people in that way really frightened me. It's hard because what I really want to do is help people, and in order to help people I need to make it thru this challenge. Hoping to tackle this soon!

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