For years I have been telling myself that when I figure myself out, when I heal, when I work thru some of my shit, that is when I will find my painting style.
Gah! Who does that? Who puts failure upon them-self?
I've been keeping myself stuck. Keeping myself from starting. Keeping myself from using art as the exact tool to work thru all these very things which I thought I needed to fix before I could start to create.
I've been given an art breadcrumb.
It took an email from an Aunt telling me to 'let it go', and stumbling across a young painter who paints her version of water to make me realize what I need to do. I need to paint my feelings! I need to use art to visually show what it is that I feel.
Being empathic I am naturally uber tuned in to my feelings. Good, bad, happy, sad, yada, yada, yada, you get the drift, they are all there. Sometimes all at once! I regularly check in to see how I'm feeling, both physically and emotionally. I can't believe that it has taken this long for me to make the connection, however I understand why. Divine timing. This connection came a few days before I found out that my work schedule is to be switched up. Allowing for one full day a week at home, a full day to create.
Magic days are about to happen.
I see it already. I'm going to set my alarm for 8am, a little bit of sleeping in would be nice :) Then by 8:30am I will be turning on the tunes in my studio, lighting my candles and sage, drinking a yummy cup of coffee, and bam(!), up rolls 9am where my studio day begins! For months I have been saying how nice it would be to have one day a week where I can wake up and paint, instead of cramming it into an evening when I'm tired.
Sunday I spent some time cleaning and organizing my studio. I spruced up my Ganesha tapestry, packed some extra supplies away, and hung up my world map. The space is open and ready. Sunday evening I hit up youtube to create a painting playlist. I work best when listening to stuff like native american drumming, shamanic journeying, zen/spa meditation music. All so good! Something about the consistent beat and lack of words helps me get in my zone. As I added titles to my playlist, I thought about this new day off. I have some apprehension about it, I have never been in this situation before. Working four days a week seems weird to me, and I had some thoughts of failure pop up, like I was no longer contributing etc. Amongst this noise from ego, I heard from Spirit, 'It's all happening for a reason.'
The Universe knows how much I want this. I know how much I want this. It may take the Universe some time to shift things, but all will fall into place :)