i am a painter.


The Universe urged me to pick up my copy of The Alchemist yesterday, and I now see why. Within it's pages are reminders to us of why we were put on this Earth. I was shown yet again, that art is my calling, my life's purpose.

Today, and every day going forward, I will call myself a painter.

I have followed the breadcrumbs left for me by the Universe, and I stand proudly in a place and life that I have wanted for many years. The voices and opinions of others are non-existent and I walk the path, that I know deep down in my Soul, was meant for me. I have the studio that I longed for, located ever so conveniently in my home, and I am doing it.

Today is my first day off at home and I am painting!

I planned to be up at 8am and in my studio by 9am, but I think I've learned that putting timelines on things, especially creative things, just doesn't work for me. I create best when my mind and body are fully rested. I slept for an extra hour and a half after my alarm went off. I've decided to not look at the clock on these days, and allow them to flow at their own pace, timeline, and speed. Ego keeps trying to take over, telling me that the floors need to be mopped, towels laundered, dinner made, but too bad Ego, you're not in control here!

To be honest, I can't rush my painting process, which is something that I have been doing. Seeing others online produce a new piece every day makes me feel inadequate, like I'm not able to create at the speed that I need to. Which is complete bullshit. 

Sometimes I find myself sitting back and staring at my canvas for a good ten minutes. Again, Ego tries to chirp in, telling me that I've wasted ten minutes of creation time by sitting back and being unproductive. But I say, 'Fuck you Ego!" Looking at the canvas is part of the process. One needs to look in silence in order to hear the next bit of direction from the Universe.

I've found my groove with the art tools that resonate with me. 

Charcoal, good ol' HB #2 pencil, chalk, pastel, beige, and white paint. If other artists can consistently use what feels natural to them, then so can I. I'm tired of fighting what feels right to me just because I don't see others creating in this way. I'm repeatedly being drawn to the same colors and tools because they have been specifically selected by the Universe for me and my creative journey. And that is quite special and sacred.

The Universe wants me to create big paintings. The Universe wants me to make marks, and lots of them. The Universe wants me to cover those marks up, flip the canvas over, and make some more. 

My creations are completely different than those of the artists I look to for inspiration. 

I've finally realized that it's supposed to be that way. We aren't meant to look at another's work and copy it. We are meant to look at another's work and 'feel' something. What we feel is a stirring of energy inside us. We are then meant to harness that energy and use it during the process of creating our own pieces.

My paintings look nothing like what I thought they would, but the process feels ever so right. 

For me, it truly is about the process, and the finished painting is but an extra for putting in all that work. My paintings are like the toy you receive at the bottom of a cereal box. A thank you from the company for purchasing and eating their product. My finished paintings are a thank you gift from the Universe for dedicating time working thru that which my Soul needs healing and release.

Truly magical.

It's not about the destination, it's about the journey. 

I get it now.


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