I'm back at the space of feeling like this art thing isn't part of my destiny. A hobby sure, but not my sole life's purpose. Hard fact for me to swallow.
I would have thought that this would make me feel sad but I'm feeling more of a release. Pursuing a creative life has brought much self imposed stress to my life, and I'm finding myself at the point of exhaustion with this stress. I keep being reminded of a yoga quote that I saw on Pinterest a while back, "The yoga pose that you resist the most is the pose that you NEED the most."
Why can't this be applied to all situations in life? Why can't that which I am not willing to release be exactly what I do need to release? Has your mind been blown yet??
Over the last several years I have seen a key theme in my life, learning to let go. This could quite possibly be another one of those things.
I wrote the above part of this post, and then put my laptop aside to do other things, feeling like there was more that I had to add.
I did some cleaning, napped, and after waking from said nap, let my dogs outside and boiled some water for my lemon/ginger/honey tea. While waiting for the water to boil I picked up my copy of Women Who Run With the Wolves, which was oddly enough in my hubs truck all winter long. This book has been floating thru my head for a week, I've been wondering where it is, and have been meaning to ask hubs if he could bring it in for me. Today he did. I picked it up off the counter and opened it randomly.
My eyes fell to this:
"If you're scared, scared to fail, I say begin already, fail if you must, pick yourself up, start again. If you fail again, you fail. So what? Begin again. It is not the failure that holds us back but the reluctance to begin over again that causes us to stagnate." -Women Who Run With the Wolves
A message from Spirit perhaps?
I do feel fear when it comes to my art journey, the idea of progressing it pass just a hobby. I do feel that many doors close on my face when it comes to this art journey. I do look to other artists for ideas instead of looking within and working with my own.
Lots of ego stuff comes up that I'm not good enough, that 'the market' is saturated, that I won't succeed, etc etc, you know the drill. I do feel that there is something about my art that I need to release, that my focus needs to be shifted.
I'm going to spend some time asking Spirit what this could be.