a beginner at life.


I've waited a long time to be on my path, and now that I'm here I can only start at the beginning. 

This beginning is long overdue and my patience with waiting has worn thin. I want to jump into all of the amazing ideas that are being presented to me, however, I cannot do that. Yet.

Despite my age, and where I'm at in life, I need to accept that I am a beginner. Spirit told me that I'm in the incubation stage. That's better than being in no stage at all. I know that I owe it to myself to take this time to play, explore, experiment, find what feels good.

We have just entered the third month of the year and I have already added many new things to my life. I'm keeping my house de-cluttered and tidy. Eating salads and fruit at work. Making homemade dog food. I meditate. Practice yoga. Write regularly about art/spirituality/life. I'm learning Spanish. Creating abstract art. Going to bed early. And reading.

When one works 40 hours a week it can be a challenge to add to your schedule, but I'm managing.

A yoga instructor in a recent video said, "Ultimately we are in charge of our own happiness."

That's huge, and for a person who wants to do everything, my 'beginner's' list gets longer and longer.

There are SO many things that I want in my life, and there are SO many things that I want to release as they no longer serve me.

I no longer want to hold onto my art school story. I want to realize fully in my being that the journey wasn't meant for me, that I am to go about it in a different way. I also want to accept that I may never be one of those amazing artists that I see on my Instagram feed. The ones who work full time from home as professional painters selling their art to collectors around the world. That may sound defeating, but it's honest, and true. Even tho it's an idea that I would love, I feel like I'm holding onto that idea toooooooooo tightly and it's causing more harm than good.

Only the Universe knows my destiny.

I'm going to slow it down and take things one day at a time, supporting and encouraging myself along the way.


1 comment:

  1. Oh man, I so know what you mean about wanting to instant-level-expert, but needing that time to incubate (what a fantastic word!). And with Instagram...I have such a dysfunctional relationship with it. I love being connected to such amazing people, but I also have a habit of stalking all the pretty things and feeling poorly about myself in the process. I have to always remind myself that Instagram is hyper-curated, and all is not as it seems, y'know?