2.28.2016

i am powerful beyond measure.

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Marianne Williamson's A Return to Love is a book that everyone needs to read. It's the type of book that gives you so many 'a-ha' moments. You can sense stirrings within your soul. Please gift this book to yourself, and then gift it to all your friends.

The first sentence of the quote hits home for me.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." 

Stepping in to my power, owning who I am, trusting in myself, has been a challenge for me in my life. I feel that I have what it takes to step out in the world and do great things, but because my light has been dimmed, I have grown accustomed to staying small. In an effort to break free of this useless, good for nothing, ingrained thought pattern, I am putting myself out there via YouTube and sharing myself with the world. This isn't easy for me, but the creative aspect is a lot of fun!

As well as starting to create videos, I am forcing myself to talk more. I suck at making small talk. It's not that I'm not interested in talking to people, it's just that my mind goes blank when someone is standing in front of me and we are having a conversation. I'm conversing more with people at work, and starting up convos with those that I rarely talk to. I have worked with some of these people for years, but many I have rarely spoken to.

Being aware and making the effort is really helping. I'm finding that it's trickling out to include speaking with strangers, which is a big rarity for me. I have this fear of people, that they are scary and I should stay away. This past week I was in the big city and a person was talking of a haunted hotel that I knew of. I chirped in and asked her some more questions about her friend who worked at this hotel. I never do this! I had an inner realization that strangers aren't scary and that I quite enjoyed speaking with this woman.

For months now I have had a vision in my mind of a path and my feet standing on it. My new vision is of my left foot taking a step forward. This will all still take time to unfold, something that I have to keep reminding myself, but it's good to know that the universe is keeping me in the know via visions, synchronicities, and signs. SO many 1111's lately too!

Here it is friends, my first YouTube video, enjoy :)


Namaste.

2.18.2016

getting ready to bloom.

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Good day friends, what a day it has been!

So many realizations have come about today, so many nudges and bits of guidance and direction from Spirit. Love it!

Last month in my Mercury Retrograde post I wrote about feeling like I was eighteen again, fresh out of high school with a world of possibility in front of me. I also stated that I feel like I have been given a second chance at choosing the life that I want for myself, the life I have always wanted. And now, things are starting to take shape. I have put forth much effort to start this year off in a brand new way, and that effort is creating much change in myself, and my life.

For years I have been searching for my path, waiting (im)patiently for it to show up so that I can start walking down it and sharing my gifts with the world. The path has shown it self, I am standing upon it, but I haven't taken any steps forward. The retrograde and my trip halted me and now that I have had a week at home to re-energize and get back into my routine Spirit is beginning to speak to me.

I am freakin' thrilled and get chills when I think about the task that Spirit has selected for me. It makes so.much.sense. and fits with who I am, what I want out of life, and what I want to offer to the world.

"And the day came when the risk to 
remain tight in a bud was greater than
the risk it took to bloom."
 - Anais Nin

Yes Anais, I hear ya.

I am someone who prefers to be the wallflower, but for me to share my gifts with the world I need to step outside of my shell and become comfortable in full bloom. Spirit has shown me a great way of doing this, it will be something that I share here regularly once I figure things out. There is much learning to be had in the process :)

I am excited for my life.

Throughout the day I am conversing with Spirit, staying open and receptive to guidance. I state what I want and Spirit responds. I have a vision for my life and I fully trust and know that the changes I am making will bring me all that I desire.

Inner work can be a challenge. The hardest part is pushing aside your pride, accepting your faults, and then believing that you can fully change yourself and achieve all that you want.


This image freaked me right out. But it helped me realize that I have been living life under ingrained ways of thinking, and this is a big reason why I haven't gone after all that I want. I keep this pic in my email at work and click on it throughout the week, quick reminders to keep my focus on point.

Namaste.

2.14.2016

loving my new found calm.

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So many of us allow other people to squash our happiness and that can affect us in detrimental ways. 

I am at a place in my life where I know stronger than ever the person that I am. I love how much I have come into myself, and the year has just begun. I see myself clearly and am no longer allowing others to poison my days. I do believe that everyone is entitled to their opinions, but no longer will their opinions make me question who I am. Thirty-one years of being trapped in the opinions of others is enough. I am eager to see where life takes me now that I stand strong in who I am.

I have had a productive day of letting go, cleaning up, and making space for the new. I have decided to make my art room multi-purposeful, getting rid of furniture and supplies that I don't use, to allow for a small meditation and yoga space as well. I love the energy in my art room. The copious amounts of cleansing sage has made the energy in that space uber light and inviting. I revamped the closet by removing the closet doors and creating a tiny meditation nook. I now have a place to hang my Ganesha tapestry, and can sit under it while listening to Tibetan singing bowl meditations. Ahhhhh. Peace.

I feel different. I feel centered. Calm. 

For someone who has lived much of her life looking to others for approval and guidance, it's nice to hear my inner voice, to be connected to my higher self, to know that I don't have to turn to anyone else for approval or guidance. I highly recommend y'all check out Gary Zukov's Seat of the Soul. It's been an amazing read, and again, is a book that came to me at the right time. It's helped me to understand myself and others, and has helped me to ground, and center. Superb.

It's been weeks since I've turned my music up loud and painted. I'm not able to create during Mercury Retrogrades, or their shadow periods. I used to find this frustrating, feeling that I wasn't using my time wisely. I welcome them now, it's a chance for me to step away from the canvas and reflect.

For the past few years I have been learning from other artists online, trying out their techniques, opening my eyes to all the different possibilities of painting styles. I didn't have any formal training in painting and as open-minded as I am, I put painting in a box. I believed that there was a 'right' way to paint and that it required formal education and a fine arts degree. Wow was I ever wrong! 

I feel happiness with the pieces I have created, however, I've also felt that they were practice pieces, not fully created in 'my' style.  I feel my style is almost ready to boil up to the surface and reworking my art room this weekend was of the utmost importance so that it would be ready to go when I heard the call to paint.

I've been seeing visions of myself at the canvas, making marks, twirling the paintbrush. I sense a new found calmness with my process, a certainty, a confidence, a trust

Have a good day friends, wishing you well.

Namaste.

2.11.2016

resting in order to start walking.

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As someone who can get worked up by people and situations, I welcome my new found 'chillness'. I feel that it lets me off the hook from having to react, whether positively, negatively, or even at all. I can simply stay in a state of oneness with Source, conserving my energy for things much more useful and worthy.

When a situation occurs, let it be what it is, and let it pass on it's merry way. No need to grab hold, allowing the ego to step in and take control. No way man, from now on lets all be 'chill'.

I have ventured home from my trip to Mexico where I let wave after ocean wave wash over me. I breathed in the sea air, drank the salty sea water, collected more shells than a person should be allowed to take home in their luggage, and peed in the ocean more times that I should admit to. This was my first trip outside of Canada and the U.S., and my first trip to the mighty ocean.

I hauled several books with me to Mexico, with every intention of reading and journaling on the beach, but my body and brain wouldn't let me. I sat on the beach and all I could do was stare out to sea, watching as manta rays rode the waves in to shore.

My brain completely shut off

Not once did I think about work and if everything was going okay. Not once did I think about this past year and the struggles I went thru. Not once did I think about the future, trying to piece together a plan for what I needed to do next. I simply sat and took in my surroundings. Filling myself up with ocean energy.

The strength of the ocean was something that shocked me. Even the smallest wave pulled at me with such force, enough to knock me over. I have always thought of myself as a river person, as that is what I have been exposed to, but after this trip I have much respect for the ocean and understand why people love being in and near it's energy. I had no idea that waves rolled in to shore with such a deep rumble. The constant motion, constant churning, was mesmerizing. When I lay down in bed after that first day spent on the beach I could still feel the motion of the waves tugging at me. Magical.

When arriving home I expected to jump right back into my new yoga and meditation routine. Maybe step up to a fresh canvas as I haven't painted since the beginning of January, but I can't. My limbs and brain are feeling weighed down. I'm welcoming this coming long weekend, and even tho I 'should' be productive, I think I'm going to take this time to 'chill' even more. I still sense big things coming in 2016. Synchronicities, and puzzle pieces falling into place as I walk down my path, and this period of rest is necessary.

"A path is made by walking on it."
- Zuangzi

I always thought that the path needed to show up before one could walk down it. Before I left on my trip I had a few musings come to me one day that I quickly jotted down on a scrap piece of paper. Things that I want to do and try but haven't felt ready or qualified enough to take on.

But in reality, in order to know something, one needs to learn, and in order to learn, one needs to start.

When I get my energy back up and I feel re-fueled I'm going to sit with these musings once more, see what else they have to share with me. And then friends, I'm going to start walking.

Namaste.