I am feeling full and I am feeling empty.
For a few months now I have been taking in all that I can in an effort to help shift myself in the direction that I see myself going for 2016 and the future. I have over ate from the Spirituality plate, (no rhyme intended), and am now in need of some time away to digest and integrate into my being all that I have learned.
I have reached an abrupt energy block these last two days, feeling it especially so today. I lacked the energy to go on a short walk at break or carry on conversations with my co-workers. I keep seeing a light switch in my mind and it is wanting to be flipped to off.
Every part of me wants rest, my body, mind, and Soul.
I need some time to just breath, to allow the new energies within me to flow and settle. My dreams have been especially active over these past few weeks, resulting in me waking super early (hello 3am!) and not being able to get back to sleep.
I feel tiredness in all areas of my body and mind, which is causing me to have mini melt downs. I've pushed myself, yet again, and instead of breaking completely, I'm going to recognize this internal need for a slow down, and honor some much needed self care time.
When one is working with energy, it has the ability to knock you down quick.
It's hard for me to fully release and let go because there's so many ideas in my head, so many things that I want to get working on.
Rest time, for me anyway, can have a tendency to make me feel unproductive and lazy. I have a hard time justifying relaxing when I don't really have a busy schedule to begin with. But, I can also recognize this as the ego trying to mess with me. The ego would rather see me stressed in melt downs then take the time to recoup and re-energize, and move forward down my path.
I have gone through several of these retreat times over the years. For many of them I thought it meant that I was done with Spirituality, that it was no longer for me. At times, I boxed up my crystals, gave away oracle decks, and donated all of my Spirituality based books. It wasn't until I had an appointment with a healer, and she described to me her personal story about her rest phase after returning home from a life changing trip to India, that I was able to recognize this same rest phase in my life. I was mistaking these rest phases as 'signs' that Spirituality was no longer supposed to be part of my path, only to discover several weeks down the road that it started to creep back into my life.
These rest phases are much needed periods of integration, allowing all that I have learned to energetically realign and settle within my being.
Right now there is no more room left in my head for any new info to be added, and there is no energy left inside to expel outward into creative endeavors. I feel like a bear sensing that its time to make my way to my den and hibernate.
This rest phase hit me surprisingly hard today, as over this past week I have received several nudges, prompts, and messages from Spirit to go forward down my path. It's like Spirit gave me a teensy tiny glimpse into my mission, and is now saying, 'But before you start, take some time off, all will be waiting for you upon your return.'
One really can't push forward when they are feeling depleted.
I'm choosing to step away from yoga and meditation as well, even tho I literally just started both regularly and have already felt the benefits. I believe that yoga and meditation have helped to catapult me along in my Spiritual Awakening. I feel that they have helped to connect some dots for me, filled some missing links. I have decided today to take a break from yoga and meditation, and I already look forward to my return to the mat, that's how great it makes me feel.
If you ever find yourself feeling this way, take the time to step away. Know that this doesn't mean Spirituality is no longer for you, you've just filled yourself full. All that you have taken in now needs to be allowed some time to integrate into the new you that is being built.