9.09.2015

i am not a simple soul.

Source



It wasn't until I read I'm Breaking Up With A Simple Life by Jamie Varon, that I realized for the last two years that I have been trying to force myself to live in a way that does not come natural to me.

My intentions for switching gears and living a 'simple life' was brought on after a year full of chasing my niche, looking everywhere I could in order to find my purpose. I filled my year with reiki, aromatherapy, and pottery classes. I blogged, made jewelry, painted, and took some more online e-courses in natural healing.

I burnt myself out.

After this burn out I allowed myself a full winter to sit on the couch every.single.night. I sat under a cozy blanket, drinking a warm cup of chai tea, watching endless episodes of Weeds on Netflix. 

After my three months of hibernation I had an internal dialog with myself. 

I simplified my hobbies down to just one, painting. I learned how to be present in the moment. I woke up at 5:30 am every day, went to work, came home, learned how to enjoy prepping and eating a nourishing home cooked meal, and pretty much let any dreams that I was chasing to fall to the way side.

This is not like me. I am a hard core dreamer. I even put it in my side bar describing myself :)

For two years I pretty much went about my days as they came. I accepted endless quiet evenings at home, and painted only when I felt called to the canvas. Looking back now I think, HOW BORING! How I managed for that long surprises me. 

My greatest example of living a simple life comes from my husband. He thoroughly enjoys just being . His goals in life consist of being happy and having fun. He has not felt the need to chase anything and instead allows life to happen as it will. Seeing his ease with this simple life made me want to give it a whirl. 

But can I be honest? I clenched my teeth through a good chunk of those two years. I had to talk myself out of moments of frustration, focusing on deep breathing and thinking positive. Taking a look back some more I can see how I was trying to fit a square through a circle's life. 

Not easy to do.

Jamie's words re-ignited my internal fire that I had let go out. It sparked me back into my dreams and really opened my eyes to ACCEPTING that I am not capable of living simply. 

I don't want to live simply.

Nothing about the way I do anything is simple. I do at times find frustration in this, however, it's just my way. I love my quirky ways and just as I had to accept this about myself, so will everyone else in my life. 

I want to be me; chaos and all.

I want to go thru my moments of passion, anger, fear, anxiety, happiness, excitement and back 'round again. 

It's a whirlwind in my head!

So Pinterest, you can take your endless quotes of why living simple is the best way to be, and suck it.

I'm here to feel it all.

Somehow, realizing this about myself has brought balance to my psyche. I've accepted and am giving myself the permission to be all that I am; the good and the bad.

Namaste.

No comments:

Post a Comment