I have tried many creative avenues in my life; painter, blogger, jewelry maker, potter (clay not weed). All served a purpose at the time, all were good experiences, and all brought me to this point.
Right now I am being guided to use my love of words and wear the hat I call WORDSMITH.
Author. Writer. Yes, those sound good, but WORDSMITH sounds magical. And I am all 'bout the magic!
Quotes touch me deep.
On the daily I screen shot quotes on my phone that I've read on Instagram and Pinterest. I can't help it! They tug at my soul!
I feel waves of change for the people of the planet and this quote came in perfect timing. I believe we have free will, but I also believe that before we incarnated on earth we discussed with Source the lessons we were to learn this time 'round. At conception everything about that discussion is forgotten and we go on our way to learn these predetermined lessons. If we fail to learn from them, they are repeated until we wake the fuck up and get it right.
As I am being shown to walk the wordsmith path, I see how every other path I've tried just wasn't the right one. Time and time again I signed up for another course or dove head first into another hobby. It's not until now that I can look back and see just how easy writing has always been for me. White pages and black font may not be as visually creative as when I wear my painter hat, but words paint pictures in much the same way as brush stokes and paint.
There's something here. I can feel the universe stirring.
Do you remember writing out lists of the things that you wanted to do in your life? Writing a book was always in my top five. Writing has always been in the back of my mind, brewing, percolating. I have attempted many times to keep up a blog, or what I thought the definition of a blog was. That was a hard task to accomplish. I love reading blogs, but I just can't write them. The majority of stuff out there is in no way thought provoking, which is what I'm all about! I felt awkward writing about 'what's in my bag', 'my etsy favs', and 'my week in pics'. Blah! Sure, it serves a purpose for many, and I encourage them to continue with what they are being guided to do, but for me, at that time, that's what I thought writing/blogging was all about. It's not until now, many years later, that I've been given my guidance on what it is that I am to write.
Several weeks ago I started noticing elephants everywhere.
I started seeing articles posted on facebook linking back to a site called elephantjournal.com. Wow! A place for my people! I wanted to be part of it.
Fear crept in (fuck you fear!) and took hold, and I convinced myself that I wasn't good enough to have something published on their site. Around the same time I found medium.com which looked safer for my frightened soul. My guide kept telling me, no, that's not right.
Again the elephants appeared.
I kept having visions of a gold Ganesh, sitting on a lotus flower, with a tiny mouse at it's feet. I said "God, I need this Ganesh to help me break down some obstacles that are in my path, and I want to buy it at The Forks," a local market place in the downtown of 'the big city.' One Saturday morning I got in my car, drove down to the forks, and sure enough, there it was, sitting perfectly on a shelf in the first store that I was guided to walk into. Magic.
I deleted my medium.com account and reinvented my space here at blogspot.com. I don't look at this space as a blog, in fact I'm so very much over that word. I am not a blogger, and that is why it has never felt right with me. This is a space in the universe where I share my words that are eagerly awaiting their release from my being. Here is an excellent way to hone my creative word juices, or just practice my typing :)
I perused EJ's page on how to go about submitting a piece, and one thing that stood out to me was a quote (shocker!) that they have on their 'submit' page.
"Write what you know." - Mark Twain
Write what you know.
What the fuck do I know?
I bought myself a fresh new notebook, on the top of the first page I wrote down the question, 'What do I know?' Soon the ideas started to flow and I found myself with 9 pages of titles to future articles.
One thing that I learned from the late Wayne Dyer was that when he was ready to write a new book the first thing he did was give his future book a title. I took his advice and did this with my future writing pieces. I have an assortment of very specific article titles that I can one-by-one type out and send thru the interweb to EJ. I am being guided to make this change in my life, share the written word. I don't have control over their acceptance, but I do have control over sitting down, tuning in, and letting the words flow.
"Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't." - Steve Maraboli
Late last Saturday night I took control.
I flipped my notebook open to the first page, read the first article title that I wrote down, and sent off a draft to EJ. In my shock and surprise they responded quickly, saying that they thought my words were great! GREAT!?? Me!?? No way!!
The next day I completed their requested edits and sent my second draft to their editors. Monday afternoon I received an email back saying that they were accepting my piece! Holy Shit!
I have never, EVER, wrote anything with the intent of having it published so this was shocking to me. I feel like it's the first drop in a bucket of good things to come as I walk this wordsmith path.
Lately I've been feeling the need on the weekend to escape my house and small town, heading to the energy and motion of the 'big city'. Sitting at a picnic table, walking the gravel paths, or lying stretched out on a blanket connecting to the earth and feeling the warm sun on my back is where I am finding my zen. I marvel at the couples on bikes, families flying kites, and squirrels chasing each other thru the trees. Deep breaths in, deep breaths out, bare feet on grass, I find myself in the present moment. Here I am able to recharge.
For the past few months my energy has been a roller coaster ride, and I don't like roller coasters. This evening I found myself thinking 'today is beautiful', and I realized this was the first evening in a long time where I felt peaceful. I believe in an intense energy shift happening across the universe right now, I believe that we all chose to incarnate at this time for the purpose of bringing about change on the planet. This energy shift is going to open the minds of many and bring forth the changes necessary at this time.
Just as people are the cause of things to fall, we are also the cause of things to rise.
I am an empath, I feel and take on energy from the universe, people, and places. As the energy has been growing for this shift to happen it has thrown me out of alignment. I am growing spiritually and awakening to my gifts, causing much needed rest and down time for integration of these new energies and thought patterns. I have felt physical and emotional pain from this energy shift and while sitting in the midst of it hoping it to end, it's not until now that I can see how very necessary this process is.
Old thought patterns, ways of thinking, ways of believing, waysof living, all are being shed from my being as I head into my new journey. 2016 is going to bring about much change for many, myself included, and the best way to go thru this is not to fight it. I was fighting this energy shift for a long time, causing strife to myself.
I am being shown over and over, to let go, go with the flow, live in the present moment, be here now.
These are concepts that I find fascinating, but putting them into practice has always been challenging for me. My personality is a mixture, I am chaotic, but need my zen time to balance myself out. At times I feel like I live in two worlds, bouncing back and forth from my high energy, go go go world, to my serene, peaceful, and calm world. Being here now, and shutting off my mind from pondering about the future will be a big undertaking.
I am being reminded to go back to my breath.
Breathe in, breathe out. Sit in stillness. Eyes closed, focus turned inward.
I'm feeling the calm before this new wave of energy is ushered in. I'm enjoying this moment of stillness.
I've always been someone who ponders. Ponders EVERYTHING. How geese know when to start flying south for the winter. The vastness of the universe. The shear joy that a new parent feels when they meet their child for the first time.
I ponder it all.
This non-stop pondering isn't always easy. Solo ponderings can consume me. I'm a thinker, I just can't help it.
Join another ponderer and I together and I experience pure bliss.
Because I believe that all things in life when broken down to their most simplest form are energy, I can literally feel my thoughts leaving my brain and joining the energy waves out there in the world, in the universe. As I'm furthering along my spiritual path I am learning to trust more and more in the energy vibrations that I am putting out into the universe, knowing that my desires will come to me in divine timing. Opening up intuitively allows me at times to foresee what's going to happen down the road and this foresight as much as I love it, also leaves me in a state of limbo.
Living in limbo is a challenge. I wouldn't say it's hard, but it is challenging when fear starts to creep in to dialog with self, ignore the negative feelings brought forth from ego, and TRUST in what my guide is showing me.
I'm being told that 2018/2019 will be a big year for me. Much change. A time when the seeds of thought that I am planting now will start to burst forth from the warm universal soil, reaching their bright green leaves towards the magnificent sun, materializing in the life that I dream of and want for myself.
2018/2019 is three to four years away, how on earth am I supposed to stay confident and most importantly grounded when I have been shown so much?
Right now I am working on deep breathing when moments of anxiety appear. Lavender essential oil is constantly within reach to calm my energy, and I am taking many moments thru the day to visualize what I want my life to look like along with FEELING what that life feels like. Feeling my dream life as tho it is occurring right now re-enforces and sends out stronger energy to the universe so that the pieces may be put in place for me to have all that I desire.
This is serious business.
Being a dreamer means I am heavily using my right brain and rarely do I tap into my left brain, leaving me at times, lacking in logic. However, I choose to look at this as a stage along my journey as I progress down my intuitive path.
The energy radiating from my crown chakra is so intense that I can feel the heat resonating from the top of my head. I have moments at work where I type with one hand, as the other is attop my head trying to 'close my gate', close my direct link to source. I am fully connected to my guide(s) and the universe, and even tho at times I feel extremely ungrounded, as tho I am floating thru space, I continue to allow this because it is part of the intuitive growth process.
For years I have been telling people that I would love, just for one day, to be like ordinary people. To feel 'closed' off from the universe. A mini break from feeling things so intensely, allowing me to go about my one day in my own little bubble. I recently discussed this with an Aquarius friend of mine and he said,''Hell no, never be ordinary!"
For a week I've thought about this, and he's right. As challenging as having an overactive mind can be, I love this shit. I purely love it.
I just can't submit to small talk, no matter how hard I try. I don't care to ask you what you did this weekend, I want to discuss your beliefs and why you believe them. I want to know the deep inner workings of your mind and soul. I want to get out of you the things that you don't discuss with anyone else.
I want to know the REAL you.
In return you will know the REAL me. Together we will bring each other a comfort, a safe and sacred space that is created when our minds, hearts, and souls connect.
Fuck the ordinary people. Let's share. Let's connect.
I have never been religious, my parents and family don’t follow a religion, and I as an adult don’t follow one either. I was never exposed to Sunday morning church services or Wednesday evening bible study. I wasn’t directed to learn about religion in any way by any one. This left the slate very open for me to form my own belief system, if I so chose that for myself.
I see belief systems as very personal choices for individuals. A word that pops up in the spiritual community time and time again is 'resonate.' If something resonates with you great, if it doesn't, leave it be.
I like this.
There are a few belief systems that have various qualities that resonate with me. I see my own spirituality as a large pie and each piece of that pie comes from a different religion or belief system. I like this, and over time have been shown that this is the correct choice for me. I honor and respect the decision of every individual to form their own beliefs and hold true to what resonates with them.
Over the years as I have been navigating my way down this spiritual path I have at times felt the need to push away from what I was learning and believing in. Spirituality is quite vast, there's much info out there, books to read, podcasts to listen to, even shows on Oprah highlighting the benefits of a spiritual life. Yes I do agree that being spiritual can for sure mean you also follow a religion such as Christianity, I do believe the two can be intertwined. That's what's so beautiful about it.
You have the freedom to follow what makes sense for you at the time.
If something no longer 'feels' right, you can let it go. I like this too.
I am a person of variety. Believing in one religion just ain't going to cut it for me. I love the research. I love reading about different people in different countries and what they believe in. I love taking what I've learned and integrating it into my spiritual pie. Mmmmmmm. Pie.
Spirituality to some may look like an altar in a special corner of their home with meaningful photos, words, and trinkets. A sacred space of love, honor, joy, and acceptance. To others it may be a routine of yoga or meditation, journaling, drumming, conversing with guides, consulting oracle cards, or turning your focus inward to hear what that quiet voice inside has to say. Some may take a solo walk thru mother nature reveling at the beauty she creates. Some may meet regularly to discuss the arch angels. Some may sage the fuck out of themselves after a rough day at work. I do some of these things, and switch it up over time as I see fit.
I'm not even fully sure that I can define what spirituality means to me, but I know that it feels right.
This past year I met a new friend who added to my spiritual pie. She added something that I have always felt a great anger towards, and parts of it still don't fully feel right to me. However, I see everyone as teachers and was willing to listen and learn, and come to my own conclusions.
Thru this I have learned that my number one guide is Jesus. I have met him before in several meditations, but was always wary due to much past life resentment. I was willing to work on that and formed a relationship with him. The thing that I find interesting is that I find no need to go to church or read the bible. There are even times when the words in the bible make no sense to me and create anger inside. He and I have dialoged and work together in a way that feels comfortable to me. He actually finds my stubbornness funny, but understands that this is who I am. In order for me to do something it needs to feel right for me, even if it is something for Jesus.
The other pieces of my pie are slices of believing in awareness, consciousness, energy, the power of thoughts and words, natural healing, meditation, journaling, quiet time spent in nature, crystals, and energy healing. I resonate with Aboriginal beliefs, Buddhism, Hinduism, the abundance of the universe and the law of attraction.
My pie is not yet complete, and may never fully be, but I know that all will come to me in divine timing.
It wasn't until I read I'm Breaking Up With A Simple Life by Jamie Varon, that I realized for the last two years that I have been trying to force myself to live in a way that does not come natural to me.
My intentions for switching gears and living a 'simple life' was brought on after a year full of chasing my niche, looking everywhere I could in order to find my purpose. I filled my year with reiki, aromatherapy, and pottery classes. I blogged, made jewelry, painted, and took some more online e-courses in natural healing.
I burnt myself out.
After this burn out I allowed myself a full winter to sit on the couch every.single.night. I sat under a cozy blanket, drinking a warm cup of chai tea, watching endless episodes of Weeds on Netflix.
After my three months of hibernation I had an internal dialog with myself.
I simplified my hobbies down to just one, painting. I learned how to be present in the moment. I woke up at 5:30 am every day, went to work, came home, learned how to enjoy prepping and eating a nourishing home cooked meal, and pretty much let any dreams that I was chasing to fall to the way side.
This is not like me. I am a hard core dreamer. I even put it in my side bar describing myself :)
For two years I pretty much went about my days as they came. I accepted endless quiet evenings at home, and painted only when I felt called to the canvas. Looking back now I think, HOW BORING! How I managed for that long surprises me.
My greatest example of living a simple life comes from my husband. He thoroughly enjoys just being . His goals in life consist of being happy and having fun. He has not felt the need to chase anything and instead allows life to happen as it will. Seeing his ease with this simple life made me want to give it a whirl.
But can I be honest? I clenched my teeth through a good chunk of those two years. I had to talk myself out of moments of frustration, focusing on deep breathing and thinking positive. Taking a look back some more I can see how I was trying to fit a square through a circle's life.
Not easy to do.
Jamie's words re-ignited my internal fire that I had let go out. It sparked me back into my dreams and really opened my eyes to ACCEPTING that I am not capable of living simply.
I don't want to live simply.
Nothing about the way I do anything is simple. I do at times find frustration in this, however, it's just my way. I love my quirky ways and just as I had to accept this about myself, so will everyone else in my life.
I want to be me; chaos and all.
I want to go thru my moments of passion, anger, fear, anxiety, happiness, excitement and back 'round again.
It's a whirlwind in my head!
So Pinterest, you can take your endless quotes of why living simple is the best way to be, and suck it.
I'm here to feel it all.
Somehow, realizing this about myself has brought balance to my psyche. I've accepted and am giving myself the permission to be all that I am; the good and the bad.
The past four months, and the next four to come, have been, and will continue to be, full of transformation. There is an energy shift going on across the planet much like the one that occurred in 2012, but this one is stronger and is affecting me on all levels; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I am being torn apart and formed back together again in order to step into my true purpose on this earth.
My mind is racing faster than it ever has as I communicate with my guide for guidance, shed old self limiting thought patterns, and visualize and manifest a new reality for myself.
I have had moments of complete exhaustion, heart wrenching melt downs, sob-fest after sob-fest as the tears cleanse my soul. Then something shifts. The light shines in and I see glimpses of a life full of happiness and possibility, the life that is coming to me.
Birthing a human into the world isn't easy, so why should this be?
Two mornings ago my guide told me that I was being given a second chance at life, to live the life I've always wanted. I think I have finally accepted to surrender and allow this time of change. Fighting it was causing internal torment, and right now I'm being told to 'let go'.
*deep breath in* *deep breath out*
I'm having a hard time with this letting go business. I have been shown many things for my future, and even tho I know that letting go was always going to be part of the process and journey, TRUSTING that what I have been shown will come to me isn't always easy.
*deep breath in* *deep breath out*
I now choose to let go so the journey may proceed forward, and trust that all that I have been shown will fall into place at the right time.