11.15.2016

empathic truths.

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There's much about life that I don't understand and much that I don't think I will ever fully comprehend.

My journey here has been a confusing one. I constantly find myself in solitude wanting space away from others but then craving time to converse. I don't know how to live on this planet and 'fit in' with the swarms of people here. I used to feel such sadness, but now it's more frustration at myself and why I am the way I am. Nothing jumps up at me proclaiming my destiny or path here, and so I sit some more feeling weighed down by the world around me.

Freedom has always been my number one priority in life, to do as I please, when and how I want. The funny thing is, the energy from my surroundings affects me on such a deep level that I don't venture out far or often to experience what life has to offer. I'm a lone wolf, walking this path, always moving forward, but never attaching any credentials to my name. I used to think I was a seeker, but a seeker isn't what I am. So from that I move forward, not sure where I'm going next but knowing fully that my feet are touching ground and taking new steps every second. I've accepted that I may never know where I'm going or have a final destination, or as some call, 'a purpose', and this has left an odd feeling inside. I'm not sure if I'm sad about that, apprehensive, or relieved.

I'm finding myself at a point where I no longer want to be the listening ear to others self inflicted nonsense. I don't want to hear your 'woe is me' tale and am shutting down the part of myself that is a natural born listener. I can no longer extend that part of myself.

The world is such a noisy place and rarely can I hear my own self think. Everywhere I go I'm bombarded, and the weight of it all leaves me pushed down, smooshed to the floor.

Right now I have enough energy to last an eight hour work day and that's it. Bouncing back from one of those days alone takes so much time and effort that its a mystery how I've managed to carry on with this routine day after day. Only those affected by energy will truly understand what I'm talking about; the physical exhaustion, the brain fog, the inability to move after a day out in the world.

Why was this my journey? Why was I destined for this?

It all sounds bat shit crazy and is so fucking frustrating.

Namaste.

9.20.2016

is fear real?

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How is my life affected by fear?

I watched an intriguing video tonight on the subject of fear as energy and how that fearful energy affects our interactions with others. He spoke of typing up a carefully crafted email and how none of our words matter, it's the energy that the recipient will feel, in this case, the energy of fear.

This got me thinking, how much fear resides within me?

If someone asked me if I thought I was a fearful person, I'd say yes. But I'd liken it to some petty anxieties. When I pushed my ego out of the way and looked deeper inside myself I saw that fear was present everywhere.

Selecting an outfit for work; fear.
Parking my car; fear.
Speaking to coworkers; fear.
Eating lunch; fear.
Answering the phone; fear.
Walking my dogs; fear.
Watching tv; fear.
Reading a book; fear.
Visiting family; fear.
Taking a class; fear.
Grocery shopping; fear.
Painting; fear.
Cuddling; fear.
Brushing my teeth; fear.
Making decisions; fear.
Etc. Etc. Etc.

Every facet of my life is somehow, to some degree, affected by fear.

Why does this happen?

I've often thought fear to be a useless emotion. In the case of survival situations where one needs to be aware of red flags for danger purposes, sure ok, but I would call that being in tune with your senses, I don't think fear is necessary there.

So why does fear exist?  The phrase, 'Feel the fear but do it anyway', is that a valid statement?

How much fearful energy have I been circulating out into my life?  Is it possible that plans I once looked forward to and ultimately cancelled were shifted out of existence because of the fear that was emanating from me, and not because the planet Mercury was moving in reverse?

Does the energy of fear make things null and void? 

Have doors shut because it wasn't truly my path or did they shut due to my fear? Is divine timing real, or do things line up and flow only when fear ceases to exist?

Can the energy of fear be lifted from ones being?

Hmm.

Much to think about.

Namaste.

9.17.2016

releasing and moving forward.

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This time last year I was deep in confusion with life, trying hard to keep my head above water as I navigated my way. This Harvest Moon I cancelled all weekend plans and allowed the release to come forth which has been building for days.

Briefly looking up at the moon last night I intended for a life of happiness. I've been overwhelmed with work and am taking the entire weekend to do exactly what my Higher Self needs; rest. I was speaking with a co-worker yesterday about how we lose connection to our inner voice, our Higher Self, and really need to work at keeping that communication open. Conversing with Self needs to become part of our daily routine in order to build that intuitive muscle and gain trust with that part of ourselves that lives on for all of time.

Sometimes I think that my Spiritual Journey is taking too long and I'm not where I should be after all of these years. There's my Egoic 3D self talking again. My Higher Self knows that I needed to experience the important energy shifts that have taken place and that I needed to go thru certain life events that would catapult me forward on this journey. I'm right where I need to be, staying open to Source and using myself as a vessel to bring forth Light.

Over this past year my gift has grown so much! I hear, see, and know things that seem impossible, but time and time again are validated. As I continue to connect with my Higher Self and grow my gift I'm looking forward to taking the next step down this path and connecting the dots so that I may be of service to humanity.

I read somewhere that during the Harvest Moon Lunar Eclipse one should utilize the energy and write down what they want to materialize in life. I'm going to take some time today to do that, really being clear about what I want for the present and future. I'm starting to see how our Higher Self really is connected to Universal Source Energy. I always believed this to be true, but my trust in that is growing and I'm receiving confirmations to strengthen that trust.

It will be interesting to see where life takes me in the coming years.

Namaste.